Inkubook Photobooks

I am indeed loving the time i have with these kids. They seem like they are my own alot- being that i am ALWAYS with them. I just know that i will be this crazzie taking pictures of my own kids like i am with these two. I am playing around with different settings to change the pictures a bit, and am enjoying that. I am blessed with my friend Alicia- she got me into doing some crazzie pics- like shooting at a different angle or something. I remember sitting in class a few times and she would lean over {before class starts} and show me pictures she has taken over a few days with her phone. And now that my phone sends bigger pictures {rather than tiny pics that makes ya wish they were bigger}, i am able to take more pics with my phone. just sometimes sending them to my FB takes forever, and sometimes need to be resend a few times before it sends. o-wells!! :D

I am doing a whole lot more things with the kids now {being that i am no longer pregnant and do have more energy-YAYS!} I felt bad during those last few weeks of being pregnant- i was getting mega tired so fast.. makes me wonder how some ladies are able to take care of so many kids and be preg. at the same time... Congrats if you can keep up with the kids and be preg. :D Tho, the parents here were very impressed that i worked till that Friday and had the baby on Sat... i even wrapped up some birthday gifts as i was having contractions every 4-5mins. WOW-- if you ever need strength, try doing that yourself!! :D I've been taking the kids to the park a few times, and going for walks to the bridge {which is just down the street, down the hill, and over a little bit}.. The kids love it, and enjoys throwing the little rocks on the bridge into the water. I love how they have the extra railing- keeps the cars from hitting us!! YAYS!!

We even have been creative with games.. like this one time on the way back from the bridge, Delaney was complaining about how tired she was of walking. So i asked her, "what can fit into my pocket?" She was confused.. "can a car fit into my pocket?" "No... but Jameson's toy cars can!!"... etc.... She totally forgot that she was tired of walking.. When we are inside, she imagination gets to her at times.. like it's raining and we need to get under the umbrella... or the Lions are after us and we need to find food for them before they eat us. there are a few shows she really likes {Like Cillou} that she just has to watch.

I even let Delaney paint my nails.. for a 4 year old, she is very good. I am not very girly, but painting my nails are ok... just i don't have to have them painted. {I don't even wear makeup-- shocker ah??}. Well, Delaney loves to dress up, do my hair up, paint my nails, dance, or put on makeup {but i let her put makeup on when her mom is home-when i am off work}. If i told you that these kids are very good- you may not believe me.. but they are. My mom was very impressed at how well behaved they were. We went to meet up with Charity and Kevin one time {when Kevin got here} and the kids were very well behaved in front of them... i think they both were excited about seeing Elijah. Jameson kept saying "baby" as he pointed to Elijah... But with Jameson- you show him a picture of himself and he'll say "baby" and point to himself. Very cute indeed. Jameson is SLOWLY... ever so SLOWLY.... saying more words. He surely is taking after me in that area {and he isnt even my kid..} It tooken me a while before i talked... i figured- why talk when people can tell what you want when you point to something, or when you grab them, or when you just try to find a way to get it yourself..

So I am done working on the scrapbook that i am doing of Elijah.. when Kevin and Charity send me pictures of Elijah over the years, i'll have a place to scrapbook them. I will make copies and put it into the journal i am doing, as well as sending them to Juan. I only did a few pages already, and even included a few poems i had written. I went to a fundraiser at the Birth Center one weekend, and was able to show off my scrapbook.. i met this other girl who is 22 years old and has a 7 month old boy {a cutie}.. Her mom was there too and after hearing the story of Elijah said that her lil sister was adopted. It was cool hearing a bit of her side of the story. The other day i had a wonderful dream about Elijah being 4 years old. went to a get together, and i was married with 2 kids of my own- and i was off playing with all the kids and loving the moments i had with Elijah. in my dream, it was as if i was Stephen.. it was very strange- yet felt so real.

I went to Eagle Beach yesterday. I went on my own.. got the directions from Daron and off i was. I ended up missing the turn to the parking area- so when i got to the end of the road {yes, the road stops--no more road} i knew i missed it.. so i turned around and ended up parking at a random spot where i saw a beach area {parked just off the free-way or the road..whatever you wanna call it}. I sat near the water, and enjoyed the sun, the eagles, the dophins, the birds, and wrote in my journal. It was very peaceful. A guy with a dog was out a ways- guess him and his fam was camping out there {had a tent and all}.. but noone else was in site.. mega awesome!! :D When i drove past Auke-Bay.. there were TONS of cars there.. Haha people.. i had my own beach for the day!!

Well- thats that for now!! :D My life right now is mainly around these kids {and maybe babysitting another kid--YAYS!!}, reading books {and the Bible}, and talking to Stephen whenever i can. I haven't been able to hang out with the college kids- guess they don't like hanging out with kids much. Kjerstin comes hangs out once in a blue moon {but she leaves for school in Aug.. :(.. owells}. Delaney loves Kjerstin, she mainly hangs all over her when she is here {which is very strange, because Delaney loves to be shy around new people and around my friends}

Tonight i am going to Avery and Rachelle's place for the Bible Study. Maybe over the summer i can get to know them a bit more- and we can really be freinds. {pic is when i started going to the Basketball-gathering.} Avery is gonna cook up some hamburgers-- sweetness! Yays for earlier Bible Study... which means- i can get a bit more sleep for when i have to get up tomorrow.. YAYS FOR SLEEP!! {by the way, i am enjoying sleeping on my stomach again... oh how i missed it so}

Well, i plan on seeing how the Woman's SS class is like, and see if that is where i want to go each week. I do like the College class SS- but i feel kinda alone in there. I dunnos, i'll just see where the Lord wants me to be. I've always been able to really get along with those who could be my parents, and those i could be a parent to.

Someday i shall get myself a very good camera and take awesome pictures.. I am indeed excited about using Stephen's camera when i go see him soon. He told me that i could use it, so i for surely will.. :D told him that his camera might end up being packed away in my suitcase.. lol..

So yesterday i took the kids to the park at Sandy-Beach... met up with Shayna and her son Reed.. Shayna told me that Reed was all talking about me and asking when he was going to see Dayna.. then when he saw me, he got all shy. haha. But as he was leaving, he came and gave me a hug. YAYS!! He sure is a cutie. Shayna and I talked for a little bit {in between running after a kid or two}. she told me that she suggested me to this other lady at the BC about babysitting her kid... and i told Shayna that i am on board with that.. yays for babysitting other kids {new faces, and new pics..yays.. --tho, my face is always great to look at, as well as the kids i watch..}.

OH.. my blinds came in yesterday. Daron hooked it up today.. turned out its the wrong blinds... but at least it's a little {like 20%} better than without it. They had ordered the black-out blinds, but gotten a normal double blinds {hence 20%}.

My Little Elijah is a month old now.. WOW!! how time flies by. Seems like the other day i just given birth to him, and feeling the most strangest feeling in the WORLD {which is his head sticking out and moving before his body came out of my womb}. For Mother's Day, a few people asked if i cried... honestly, i didn't.. It hasn't really hit me that i am indeed a mom.. Yes i gave birth to Elijah, but i am not with him all the time nor am raising the handsom guy.. So it doesn't feel like i am a mom..but i am 100% a mom now. It feels to me that givin birth was only a dream- tho i know for a fact that it wasn't a dream {maybe a dream come true!}. I guess it'll hit me that i am a mom when i have my other kids. I did get a flower for Mother's Day, and a massage.. as well as a 'tea party' with the fam and a free meal {steak- and yummy patatoes}.. Yays!

A Mother's Love

A mother's love for her dear child shall enver end but grow stronger.

A mother's love for her young is tough because she is willing to let them go.

She will always love her child as each day passes on by.

She will never forget the day her precious young one was born.

Because she loves them so much and charished each moment.

Because each moment with her dear chid is only a blessing from God

Noone can ever take her love away nor say she doesn't love her child.

Noone could take her memories from her because they are dear to her forever.

A mother's love can endure so much and never be lost.

And a mother's love for her child will continue to grow forever and ever.

-Dayna M. Hlatky

May-7-09'

I do love taking pictures.. Someday i shall get an awesome camera- much like the one Stephen has {which is WAY better than my digital camera...which is in TX now.. i think i lost it forever} It's all good- I am sure it has cat-hair in it by now.

I am ever Soooooo Happy now.. So I went to go help out at the last Awana program at church yesterday.. i got upstairs and the family was eating dinner. Jameson was like "WOW" as i came up.. and Jenice asked "Who's that?".. and Jameson said "Dayna".. YAYS!! 1st time he said my name.. He is finally starting to say more words.. yays!

So, giving birth about 3 1/2 weeks ago, I've lost 20lbs within the first 2 weeks..and have maintained it so far. Yays! I am planning on doing Tia-Boa soon... so maybe that'll help with my stomach issue--looks all nasty and even worst with the stretch marks. But each of those stretch marks was made with love and care. I do not regret any of them..just will not show anyone but my hubby {when i am married of course}.

So we had a week of SUNSHINE!! It was great.. i took the kids to the park alot, and we went for a walk to the bridge. We saw ducks there in the water.. and the kids enjoyed throwing rocks into the water. I just love the view- for surely when the sun is rising over there!! I'd take all the snow and rain for this view everyday.

Alaska is indeed an awesome place to live!! A frieng of mine saw Whales about 30feet from the boat as she was working {she works on the ferries here}.. The parents here are planning on buying a boat someday- they keep saying that they want to buy a yatch {sp} someday and go out on it over a weekend and bring me along.. And they even mentioned a few times about taking a vacation out to Scotland bc they know that i want to go there..and because they had their honeymoon there. Would be MEGA awesome if we did go.

So... i don't ever feed the kids food-- why? because they are too busy eating their socks... jk.. The joy of working with kids is that they do the silliest things..and when you can get it on camera, it makes for a great blackmail later in life... {like their gf or bf comes over, it's the best time to show them pics of your kid as a youngan.. haha}.

But then-again.. i am pretty crazzie too.. I enjoy playing around with the kids or just being silly. Today Delaney and I were sumersaulting and cart-wheeling in my apt. tons of fun... tho i wanted to throw the dog outside- being that she was excited about us playing around. Crazzie dog.. Heidi {dog} sure does love me, and is always trying to hang out in my apt. sometimes i don't even know she is sleeping on my couch until Daron comes in to get her. LOL.

Here's a pic of me wheni 1st started working here with Lil Jameson... This was just before i found out i was pregnant. WOW- time surely does fly. Jameson was just learning to crawl around everwhere... now he is walking all over the place and even climbing on things and testing his boundaries.. {like running to the street}.. Delaney just cries about this or that and says "i can't do it".. she is also getting into the "Why?" "Whats that?" stage. She is even asking some lame questions like "What is a dog?".. "umm.. what is Heidi??".. "a dog!".. "Well, there you go.." haha. Gotta love kids! thats all i can say..

So last weekend we went to the beach, and poor Jameson fell into the water.. He stopped crying once we got into the van and the dvd was playing. Crazzie cute kid! Before he fell- we saw dophins in the water. You don't get to see dophins in Det. besides at Sea-world. It was very awesome to watch them bob their heads up and down in the water.

So.. today after work, i went to the beach. There was a bon-fire going on with the college kids. As much as i "hang out" with them, i still feel left out. the only person i really got along with in the college class was Hans.... and he ended up leaving on a sad note. I also felt a connection with Charity when we 1st met.. but under the circumstances- i understand why she doesn't want to be friends. I guess because Colleen is good friends with Charity- that we haven't gotten close or hanged out outside of church. So i guess the next person i am closest to here would have to be Kjerstin.. and she is leaving for NY in Aug.. O-wells.. I'll always have the kids around and God and a blog and Stephen {to text with} and Scrapbooking and facebok and books each day. Gotta love life!!

Well... thats life today!! Maybe tomorrow will be something new-- maybe me being married with 3 kids and an awesome job with me doing scrapbooks for famous people {like Celine Dion--- which would be MEGA MEGA awesome if i could do her scrapbook for her.} Yeah- im a dork for 'liking' Celine {so what i know most of her songs!! haha} .

Yays for computer fun.. i took a few of my pictures i had on my computer and edited them... This will be great for scrapbooking- YAYS!!



My dearest Grandpa Scott. Kevin and Charity let me be able to give Elijah his middle name.. so i gave him Robert. My grandpa was a very godly man who was after God's own heart.

These pics were of him on his Wedding day- what a Handsome fellow he was. I never saw him with hair on top before- so he looks mega young to me. *grins*

Now- i look alot like my grandma.. but i am keeping off the wieght... i honestly don't want to be huge again {besides if i am pregnant- then it's not my faught}

Of course i did one up of Elijah.. Am going to do more of his, for i am making a scrapbook for myself of him... All the pictures i recieve as he is growing up will go into that along with the journal i am doing.

I just love being creative. After Nanny school, i am going to try to do some scrapbooks up for people around here.. They can just buy a book that they want me to do it in, and give me pictures that they want scrapbooked- and BAM!! they have a custom made- scrapbook. I never do anything the same- {besides the invites i made for my 1st b-day party ever...which was my 23rd}. For now, i am enjoying doing this scrapbook that i recently started {the one of Elijah}.

I've realized that giving up your 1st born is indeed the hardest thing ever, but what a joy it is to know that your 1st born is getting everything you can't give them. Well- for me its like that. It was indeed alot more easier for me to give Elijah over to this family {1. i know He will hear the Word of God.. and 2. i know the family is very caring}. God worked everything out and it's just amazing. Anyways- i also realized that the other side of Adoption can be hard too.. they have to do all the paper work, have people come over and watch them or whatnots, and then have to wait till a birthmother says that they want them to be the parent... Then have to wait to see if they don't change their minds at the last min... that must be pretty hard to endure. I am indeed pretty interested in hearing more about that side of adoption {tho, i am pretty sure i won't have to go through it}

I did try to let Charity and Kevin know that i will not change my mind, and that the birthdad was on board too... but i think in the end- when they were here, they were very scared... because i had 10 days to change my mind after signing my rights over... and they knew i loved Elijah alot {they could at least see it in my eyes when i looked at him}... and i think that is why they tried to stay away from me as much as possible! well, for surely the 1st week... boy that was a killer for me... giving birth to him and not see him till a week later... then to find out that my friends saw him over the week... I missed out on seeing their reactions {kinda like they wanted to take that joy away from me}.-- but thats done and over with.. I can't change anything that has happened when he was here... I am indeed ever so glad for the time i did have with him.. To be honest- my emotional side of things is getting better. Im sleeping more {on my stomach--YAYS!!}... well... eating has slowed down alot {enough that i can easily go a few days without eating before i get hungry enough to eat a smal meal}.. and its been over a week since i really cried {well, besides last night when i was remembering things--such as my friends seeing him}.. but it's all good. Maybe later on in life Charity and Kevin would like to be friends {but that might be after Elijah comes find me when he is older}

well.. thats whats been going on with me this week- besides working with the 2 kids...BOY O BOY.. Crazzie 2s and INSANE 4s... AHHHHHHHHHHH.. what can i say- Gotta love kids!! :D Well, i do love kids, and will have more kids after i get married someday... in a few years Lord Willing! *grins*

To be honest- I am very heartbroken... I lost a dear friend {no he isn't dead- he just doesn't want to be friends anymore}. He told me that it was nothing i said or done, just that he changed alot of things and want to have a clean start in life. I can understand- but still hurts to lose a good friend. He was one of the few friends i felt very comfortable to talk about things- but i guess me being so open had scared him. He did told me one time that i was the only girl he has ever known to have been so open with him and that he felt like he wasn't much of a friend for not being so open with me. But what he didn't understand was that i just needed someone who was willing to listen. Yes i know that God is listening to me daily and does answer my prayers... i just also wanted a human being to talk to also. I know for a fact that freinds come and friends go- its just sad to let a good friend go. I shall miss talking with Eric, he had helped me see how much more encouraging it is to not only listen and read the Bible-but to tell someone what you got out of it at times. Not only is it encouraging to the one who is listening to you tell them, but it is encouraging to you.. and even more encouraging when they tell you something in return.

I am also heartbroken over another friend of mine..Hans. For the past month or so he stopped going to church, and then soon stopped talking to those who did went to church. I remember him telling me that he felt out of place there because the other college kids knew each other very well... So we would hang out together-but he soon stopped that. I guess i wasn't much of a friend to him in the end, i should've gone over to his room and ask him what was up.. but i didn't. He came to the Bible Study on Thursday last week {after hearing that i had went the week before}. He admitted that he was running from God and was missing home. So now i just pray that God would really work in his heart and convict him of different areas that would need to be changed so that he could have that speical walk with HIM. May he never forget the One who loved him 1st. Hans went home the next day- so i didn't have a chance to hang out with him and talk. I shall miss our lil chats in the car as we're going to Awanas, or the times we would hang out with peoplez.

Well... in the meantime- i am fallin in love with a great guy. I have been falling for him for a while now, and know that he is the one i want to be with. When i met him in person during Christmas time, i felt at peace about it all. Honestly, i haven't felt that peaceful around a guy. Now, i am ever so open with him and love being able to talk to him. I enjoy hearing stories of when he was in the Navy or some silly story that happened. Mainly, i love being able to read a few chapters in the Bible together. I miss hearing from him from time to time because he is very busy with class and work. But when we do talk, its like the stars sparkle more and a rainbow floats behind them. Stephen is so open with me, and i enjoy it loads. I am not just doing all the talking, and neither is he. Living in 2 different states sure is helping us get closer, because we are talking alot and not just focused on kissing or cuddling- tho that would be nice {i sure do love to cuddle}. I am indeed excited about seeing him again soon.

I do often think about Elijah {pic- thats him about 5 hours old}.. but i know that he is going to grow up being very happy. It's just amazing how the Lord worked everything out-- with my side..how I found the right family, and how Medicad ended up working {etc...}... and with their side..how they met me, and how people gave them all the items they would need for a new baby in the family {etc...}.

I had just recently started going to the church when i met them at the conference. Charity told me that she didn't want to come to AK during that time- but they couldn't afford to cancel the ticket. She didn't understand why she was even here until that Sunday morning after she talked with a friend of mine {whom she is very good friends with} telling her that they were wanting to adopt. Of course my friend knew i was looking for a Christian-God fearing family for my baby {who was only 3 months old at the time and was only a few days before i found out if i was having a boy or a girl.... which of course was a boy}. That is just part of this whole adoption that God was imvolved in.

If i could've, i would've kept him. In fact, when i had found out that i was pregnant- i was very determined to keep him..no matter what the cost would be. I would've sold everything i had, live in the streets if i had to in order to support him.. But God didn't want that.. I am able to keep my job here, and able to start fresh with my life. I am keeping myself pure from here on out untill i am married. I do miss having Elijah in my stomach, and even in my arms. I charished each moment i had with him, and only wished i could've spent more time with him as he was still in AK. I think Charity was very scared that i would change my mind about signing the consent forms-- but that wasn't likely at all. Seeing how God was in this and how everything went about- i couldn't change my mind. I love him loads, and am very blessed that i gave him his middle name {gave him a part of me for the rest of his life}. I will scrapbook all the pictures i get- and only wish it was alot of pics {but i am not convinced that there will be alot of pics, being that they told me that they barely take pics of their kids now}. But a few pics is better than none- so i am ever so grateful.

Elijah... born April 11th at 10:18pm in Juneau AK. 7lb 2oz and 20in. Handsome lil guy and very much loved and missed. He already spent a whole week with his new fam in GA..

Midwives told me that i pushed for 3 mins.. about 5-10mins after i had Elijah, mom came walking in. I had to have 30 stitches from a tear i had, and ended up telling jokes as the Dr. was stitching me up {i didn't take any drugs at all.. was just in a good mood-- after all, i just had the cutest and most dearest kid ever}.

I got to spend his 1st Easter with him, and surely enjoyed holding him in my arms the whole day. He has Juan's mouth, and nose and maybe tall genes.. He has my round face, eyes {maybe}, and hair. not sure about his ears.. He has strong lungs when he cries- he doesn't like having the cool air hit his skin-or his feet not being covered. But he surely is a good baby- doesn't cry much.. just drinks alot of milk and sleeps and poops. adoptive parents were amazed at that and even commented on it a few times.

I love Elijah and miss him.. i just want to hold him now and raise him up. I never wanted to give him away- but i know that this was whats best for him and i had to go through it..no matter how much it hurts. Who am i to tell God that i will not do His will? God has something special planed for Elijah-- i am excited to be able to see what it is.. I am glad that i can at least watch him grow up.. I love him!!

Jesus sustains my life...

Think about it for a moment!

Our planet is 93 million miles away from the sun. If the sun were any closer to earth, we would burn up. If it were any farther away from earth, we would freeze.

Our planet tilts exactly 23 degrees on its axis, giving us four seasons a year. If it tilted at any other angle, we would have massive continents of ice.

The moon is the exact distance from earth to give us two ocean tieds a day. if it were any greater or lesser distance, the earth would be flooded.

The Ocean floor is at an exact depth that gives us oxygen, which sustains human life. If the depth were any different, the air we breathe would be poisonous.

The atmosphere is the exact density to keep meteors and space objects from hitting us. If it were any thinner, we would be constantly bambarded by objects from outer space.

And Who keeps all this in perfect order? Who keeps Earth from getting sucked into some gigantic black hole, or planets from spinning out of control, or stars from falling from the sky? The answer is none other than Jesus- the Living Logos. If He has the power to create and sustain the universe, how can you think His power is insufficient for you?

-Taken from a random book i have...

WOW---How time flies by... Feels like just last month i found out i was preg... but here i am- so close to giving birth to a lil boy. I am excited, nervous, and sad--all rolled into one. I cried the other day out of the blue- just knowing that im not the one raising this child. Oh how i really wanted to keep him and raise him.. I wouldn't care i was mega poor and had to sell everything i own for him...but the Lord had other plans. My 1st born is going to have everything he needs, and better yet, a family who will share with him my Savior {and theirs too!!}. What a blessing it is to know that he will be loved and be a blessing not only to me but to this family. He sure is looking mega cute and i can't wait to see him in person. Oh what an honor it is to be his mom! :D Wow, im going to be a mom! Just because i am not raising him, doesn't mean i am not a mom. Only a few weeks till i have him, and only a few weeks i have this alone time with him. Right now- it feels like i am carrying a bowling ball around bc my stomach is so tight with this lil one in there. His head is down and it seems like he is getting ready to come out. He sure is moving his leg and arms around and pushing against my ribs as much as he can. And honestly, during the whole pregnancy, i only gained 15lbs from when i started. How cool is that? mega cool i think! :D Not to worry- he is very healthy... i had started eating more healthier and just enough to keep him full {meaning, i am not stuffing my face with food 24/7... but am eating more than normal}. He keeps me up all night- so a good night's sleep for me is 4 hours.. but 2 hours is like the most i get during most nights. so hopefully in a few months i can catch up on my sleep and be kinda normal! :D

I sure am having a blast with the kids here. Jameson is now starting to hit and push.. Delaney is now starting to egg things on with Jameson and then cry about this or that. She is whinning alot more, and is slowly trying to get away with not asking for things {which she only gets away with when her parents are home... but not with me}. I seem to be more strick than their parents- but only in a good way {like, not jumping on the couch, or standing on the coffee table...etc}.. Delaney really wants my attention- and always wants to play catch and run after the ball... but these past few months it gets hard just to walk up and down the stairs at times. Tho i am sure i'll be able to give her more attention when i have more energy to do things. I try to do crafts with her- but she only likes to rip things, make a mess, and put stickers on things. She enjoys helping out with cooking, but cries when i ask if she clean up a mess she made with the toys. Jameson is ever so slowly learning how to say a few things.. yays! He loves stuffed animals and Delaney's baby dolls. what a cutie!! We've been watching each morning this lil cartoon called Shawn the sheep... ever so funny.. Jameson loves it and will dance to it when it starts... in this pic, it looks like he is doing a Shawn the sheep's grin.. :D

Well. thats all for now!! oh-- im gonna be getting a purple room this weekend.. YAYS!!

The year of ~~~2008~~~

What a Crazzie year it has been for me... But what a Life lesson it has been for me also..

I started the year going back to school for another semester. Things were all a wack with my friends and I- mainly because i was caught up in my own sin and didn't want to admit it. I was involved with someone that i had no desire in marrying. My friends saw something in me, and wanted to help- but had went about it the wrong way. I was indeed crying out for a good friend to listen to me, but i must not have been open enough to really ask for help. I felt as if my friends were pushing me away as the semester went on- but really, it was only me pushing them further away. I was getting closer to this one guy- and was getting more and more in my sins-along with him. God wasn't in the relationship at all-and so the further in sin i was going. I was lying to people, and i continued being "friends" with this guy. why i said "friends" is because we both had agreed to just be friends, but we were still doing things as if we were more than friends.

Honestly, even though things went wacky with my freinds- we were able to talk things out before we left for the summer... and worked things out. Our friendship surely has changed- but at least we are still able to talk from time to time. We are all busy in our own ways now, and can't just go to each other rooms just to chat or to study. There were indeed the hard times- but there were also those times when we just had a blast.. like ordering pizza and just playing games and talking. Even tho we were busy with school work and work- we always had managed to spend some time together- rather it be over the weekend or just during the meal time. I am very blessed with my friends- even now!! And even the friends that didn't really know what was going on within me... they helped in other ways in my life too. So thanks friends!!

Why did i stay with him or continued seeing him? Well, after pushing my friends away- i felt i had noone to go to besides him. I felt loved by someone and didn't want to let go of it. I thought that if we worked things out- things would be alright.. but the more we hanged out- the more i didn't want to be around him much yet wanted to hang out with him because i didn't want to be alone. He was always getting upset with me for the little things. There was a few times i just wanted to be around him, and so i asked to hang out with him {just b cause he was the only friend in town i had}. He would get upset with me because i would have my hopes up in some ways in spending time with a him-but he didn't show up and said that i shouldn't have my hopes up to high {but they weren't high up- just i wondered if he would show up after not answering me throughout the day}. When he found out that i was trying to find a Nanny job- he tried to discourage me into going to another state...and was only very disappointed when he heard i was going to Alaska.. so he then wanted to spend more time with me that last few days i was there. He had gotten very upset with me when i told him that i wasn't going to hang out with him on a day we planned to hanged out- because i wanted to spend more time with my fav. older brother Jayme {as if my family shouldn't be important to me like he should be in my life}. So the next day we saw each other- and he made sure he was able to be involved with me at least one last time before i left for AK.. . Something inside of me told me not to- but i went against it once again... I am not trying to say that this is all the guy's fault- for i know that i was in the wrong as much as he was {even if he says he was in the right the whole time and i was the ONLY one in the wrong}.. and i will admit that i lusted after him throughout the time.. i shouldn't have lusted after him, and was only in the wrong even more. but the Lord forgave me when i repented of my wrong. I can not do that for the guy..

I love my Nanny job. I didn't know what the parents looked like, so after getting my bags-i wasn't sure what i was supposed to do.. so i just stood there... wondering if i should be waiting outside or something. Daron came up to me and asked if i was Dayna.. and i said "yes".. He told me that i didn't look like my pictures, so he was just seeing who looked lost...and i was the best guess. Haha!!

I get to watch two awesome kids- and even am learnin alot about being a mother. I am with the kids just about the whole day-so i am the one who mainly help teach the kids manners, and things {like whats right and wrong}.. And they are always doing or saying something silly- which is awesome. They keep me on my toes alot!!

So after a month of being a Nanny-and after having the Flu- i wanted to see if i was pregnant.. i hadnt had my monthly and was worried that i would be pregnant.. Turned out that i was/am. Daron's parents were here during that time {and would be leaving shortly}.. so i didn't tell them, but i told the parents and they seemed ok about it all.. I guess the only time i had "mornin sickness" was when i ate something that my stomach didn't agree too- so i threw it up on the plate. So the grandma thought i had what Daron had.. or an ulcer. I just letted her think what she wanted..

I had lied about my pregnancy and told people that i was raped- in my heart i pretty much was,, but i wasn't raped at all. I had let the guy get involved with me more than once.. and i regret every one of them now. I gave something up that i had wanted to keep for my husband, and now i can't give that to him--and not even the 1st child. I sure was beating myself up over this for a while.. and after giving my life over to the Lord again, i knew that i am only blessed through this and am enjoying each step in this. I am learning alot about being pregnant as well as being patient with things and just letting God take care of things. I enjoy feeling the lil guy kick- and seeing the ultrasound of him moving around in me was just amazing and a blessing!! The Lord sent me the perfect family for this lil boy- and is workin things out for His glory. Just so we are clear on this-- I regret givin my virginity away, i do not regret having this baby.. I only wish i was having my husband's child. {and i shall not marry the guy just so it would be true}. Two wrongs don't make a right.. and even tho he "loves" me, things can not go back to where they were... Things truly has changed as time went by- and even more so now... now that the Lord is in full control of my life!! I do hope that somehow- i am encouraging him to get his focus on Christ and off of me. True happiness comes from Him and Him alone... not from me or from any other human or things {or even through sex}. He hasn't told his kids yet- just because they will want us to keep the baby. Though i know for a fact that this is whats best for the child {mainly becaue of how things are fitting into place and working out}.

God sent me here to Ak for a perfect reason- and He sent me some wonderful friends. I am able to spend time with them and talk about God and what He is doing in my life or what i am getting out of my readings.. I am being encouraged to stay focus on Him- and it's amazing to know that i can have friends like that and even be a friend like that to others too. I am blessed with each one of them- and even tho i only known them for a short time now, i feel like we've known each other for years. They don't judge me for my past, and they accept me for who i am.. and is helping me to change for the better in many areas {just they don't know that at times}.

My 23rd birthday was a blast. The parents here spoil me loads, and had let me spend my birthday with my friends. Delaney seemed to want to join in- yet was too shy to do so. She sure is a cutie!! Instead of a cake- i got cupcakes that looked like 23... only 21 candles happen to have been lit {Jenice said that i could only make 21 wishes..haha}. I even made about 8 shots in basketball that night too.. it was great!! :D

So before the year ended- i was able to meet another friend.. Jeremiah.. What a blessing its been to be getting to know him and just Praising the Lord together. I enjoy talking about things we read in the Bible or just something that comes up in our heads- like what'll it be like to be in Heaven... or those in hell andwhat they are dealing with {like memories}. Jeremiah is an awesome friend. He wants to be a pilot and is pretty close to getting there. He enjoys shooting at targets and loves oreos more than chicken {well... i just added the chicken part just bc i can}. He was able to make his 1st kill of a coyoty {which there is a pack of them that are killing off his friend's chickens}- so they are not hunting just for the fun of killing. And best of all- He is human!! :P

So now- 2009 starts.. a new year to serve God... and what a blessing it is that i have regiven Him my life and am starting a new year fresh!! I can serve Him each day and just praise Him each day. I love being here in Ak and i love how things are always different... from the weather to the view {Mountians always have a different shadow on them throughout the day}.. It's like God is saying "I Love you!"... because He does love me- more than i could ever know.

I am ever so glad that He forgives and that He loves us- no matter what we have done. After all, it was my sins that put Him on the cross-and He still loved me after that. He knew me on that day He shed His blood {even when the world wasn't even created yet}... and He knows me now. What a blessing it is to know that i am in His hands and know that He will protect me and provide for me all the things that i need. He knows what i need before i do. Praise the Lord!!

Ahh-- Christmas was also last year.. So i spent a week on my own in this house with my new best friend-Hiedi.. I think she uses me for my comfy couch {which she is at right now..haha} She kept me up at night more than the lil guy, and kept me busy and bothered me more than i ever been bothered in my life. Guess she was missing Jenice {her fav person}. I had a great week on my own- but was very excited to fly to Ca for a week. The weather for the week was great.. 12 days were Sunny- Beautiful indeed, but freezing outside. But the day before i left, it snowed like crazzie. I had to do errands that day-so it was fun driving in the snow {which i remember someone i met-only once talked with the poor guy-telling me that it is dangerous to drive as i am pregnant and bout to give birth.. Yeah.. needless to say- he thinks being pregnant means i am going to give birth anyday now when he knew i was due in April.. Smart guy he was----NOT!!}.. Anyways.. so i got my errands done, and was looking forward for the next day.

My 1st plane was on time and we were all seated and ready to go... but since our plane was the only one going to Sitka {made a few stops before going to WA}- we had to wait for another plane to land so a few people can get on and we can go. Happens to have been the plane that Jenice and Daron was on--which they were delayed in WA bc of the snow they had gotten there. Then we were off. A kid {age 4} was sitting just in front of me on the other side- had attached onto me within seconds of being on the plane.. So we played with action figure that he had {TMNT} and i tickled him {which he kept asking me to do}.. it was great. He gave me a hug before he left {at one of the few stops in AK we had to made}. Then i was in Wa for a few hours and was able to eat before getting onto the plane to CA. So we got on the plane and everything was fine-- then we get an annoucement saying that there was no pilot and that they are not sure where they are at..but the people on the plane sure were interesting-mainly i was laughing at them for the silly things they said or did.. mega awesome!! 2 hours later- they showed up... they thought that the flight was later!!

So there i was in CA.. i used the restroom as soon as i could {bc i had to go} and lost where i was suppose to go.. but i kinda just fellowed a random person.. i was looking out for Stephen- yet trying to figure out where i was suppose to be at.. i almost walked right past him- had he not stepped forward with a smile on his face. He then gave me a welcomin-friendly hug for a few secs. Then we were off to get my bags. What a gentleman he was... we were sitting on the shuttle when our eyes met- and as they met i felt at peace and know that this is right {just like i felt when i met the family thats going to adopt this lil guy}

The whole week with Stephen was a blast. We played games, talked, watched movies, played pool, went bowling, and just enjoyed being around each other. He had to work throughout the week i was there, and even had to go to class one of the days i was there. So i did alot of reading. His roomies seemed pretty cool.. one of them pretty much hanged out in the frontroom with me as we watched the NCIS marathon. He never seen any of the shows before-and seemed to enjoy them.. yeah- i like NCIS--great show to watch!! I just love Abby and her spunky side. I honestly didn't want to leave that last day i was there. Stephen and I mainly just hanged out together and enjoyed each other company. He took me to the airport and went in as far as he could go {which i thought was ever so sweet... how he put the bags on the platform thing for me and tooked the time to go as far as they would let him}. He gave me a hug and we parted ways... tho i didn't want to leave at all. Yeah- i like him alot!! He liked the gifts i got him- tho i think his fav gift was the PJs... {he looked very good in them--*grins*}.. He gave me a bunch of his old t-shirts that were too small for him.. mega awesome!! Then as we were in DownTown- he ended up paying for the books i was going to get.. What a sweetie!! I felt bad about it- bc i know how his finiacial{sp} is going and how he needs the money for his schooling. {honestly, i would spend all my money on him if i could-to me, he is worth that and more}

Well.. someone had asked me if i had done it with Stephen- this someone needs to know that i am keeping myself pure for my future husband from here on out.. I am not going back on the path i was on, nor will let any man get very involved with me again until i am married. How can i keep myself pure if i am off sleeping with guys all over as i am pregnant or even when i am not pregnant? there's no way of that... and i am not going that way. So this person just needs to understand that everything isn't about sex... and just because i like someone doesn't mean i am off doing things that i shouldn't be... i honestly am not- and this freindship i have with Stephen is only centered on God.. if we were off talkin bout sex and whatnots- then it is only a sex-centered relationship.. and thats a relationship i had with someone..and will not have that again-with anyone...NO WAY!! --

Sorry- venting is out!!

Oh.. the awesome thing about my Christmas was that i got to sleep with a boy all night.. he slept on top of my legs alot, and even tried to sleep on my head... he is very cute and cuddleable- tho will bite if you pet him the wrong way... Ahh.. it's not a human if your wondering. it was the cat!! Stephen doens't know his name- so we just call him cat. so i slept with cat a few nights.. 1st time i ever slept with a cat.. mega sweetness!!

New Years was great.. an hour after i was back Katie called me and invited me to her mom's place. So with directions and getting kinda lost- i was there.. It was awesome. had a meal with the fam and a few others, and then we ended up just talking for a few hours. The pastor of the church was there too- so it was awesome seeing this side of him and his wife and hearing stories.. We had apple cider {in wine glasses--- watch out drinkin lady on her way...jk}.. and just prayed as one group... taking turns praising the Lord and just praying for the New Year and all that has to come. It was very encouraging and awesome. I am blessed to have gone.. had i not gone- i would've just slept through it all. Sure was glad i had the next day off work--{last day off work for the break}.. and just slept in- enjoying the time i had to catch up on that {being that i slept-ish in the airport the night before}..

I surely would love to still be in CA right now.. I enjoy being around Stephen and getting to know him. just listenin to stories and seeing his eyes sparkle when he talks about cars or about other things. Joy told me to guard my heart--- but i can'thelp it.. i like Stephen alot. Not to worry- we didn't do anything that we shouldn't have done. Everything was perfect and awesome.. with the touching---> we did tickle each other. That was fun. Just being able to poke each other and have a good time.. something i would've done with Jo or any of my other friends {if i know they are tickleish... just Jo isn't normal with her tickleish spot.. haha}.. Well- i guess I'll just have to enjoy talking to Stephen on the phone more and getting to know him more like that..rather than in person.

Yays- for school starting up.. my friends are back in town.. i am excited to be able to hang out with them this Thursday... {unless Hans calls me up for me to pick him up on Wednesday}.. i kinda miss our lil chats in the car- as he is telling me i am a crazzie driver and will kill him someday.. but love his toasty bums... he might end up telling me he missed his bums bein toasty-- LOL}. well. thats 08 and the New Years!! Yays for another year to Praise and Serve Christ!!