Thursday, September 18, 2008

Life can be hard and challenging. We want things to be different, to go back to where things were better. But honestly, we can never go back in the past and change something. Rather it be something we did, or what was done to us-we can't change it.
This past year i got into something that i shouldn't have, and i never really stood up to what i knew was right. I just let someone walk all over me, and i did not search harder for someone to talk to. I just let it go, and i kept falling into the same thing over and over. The result was only me hating myself very much, and because of that i lied to those that i care about most.
We don't realize at times that changes can happen very fast, and we have to think ahead really fast. How do we react to the change as it is being done is what can make us a better person or not. What i did with a change, i did not become better. But after thinking about what i've done and being able to get advise from others, i know that i need to change my way of thinking now.
I need to fix the problem and correct the lies that i spread, and to stand up more for what i know is to be right-even if it hurts me or makes me lose other's trust in me. I am learning that i need to stand up for myself, because i let people walk over me, and i let them talk me into things.

But just because i got rid of that junk-doesn't mean that i can't still grow. I am going to change things about me, and will not lie in order to look good. I am going to take what comes my way, and I am going to go forward. I keep looking in the past, but i need to be looking ahead and live each day as if it was the last one i have. I need to get things right with my Savior, and i need to keep it right with Him.
There is one person that i miss the most, one person i would love to spend just one day alone..and that is my Grandpa Scott. I know that if he saw me now, he would not be proud. But, i know that he would be proud that i am wanting to do things that are right, and want to get back on the right pathway. My cousin sent me a letter, and i couldn't believe that she did that, because we never really did get to hang out alot. But i am very blessed, because she helped reminded me that the Lord does love me, even through this hard time of my life.
I ended it with Juan, of course he was very upset with me and said that i was only going to listen to one person.. but i have been doing alot of thinking and i am glad that i finally stood up for what i know is right. If i stay "friends" with Juan, then i will only fall more and more.. and i honestly do not want to do that anymore. I am very glad for my decision. And if he wants to think that i am sinning when i do not answer his calls or texts, then be my guest-but i know that for a fact that it isn't a sin to not answer or reply back.
So, this is it for now. Things in the past cannot change- but things in the future can.. and i can start now!