Wednesday, August 29, 2007

This surely has been a crazzie few weeks for me. Got all packed up to go to school, then went to school, and now I am at school. My things that i left here, ended up went missing. So I spent the 1st day trying to find them, but only turned out that the school gave my stuff away {besides my books}. I was ever so glad to see Jolene again. I missed her loads, so it was great to spend time with her again and just talk.

I found out that i am in Melford this year. Mainly because Stephanie {-pic- whom is the Dorm Supervisor} wanted me in her dorm this year. Which is pretty cool, just i am missing Gould and having to walk that 5 mins to the dorm instead of the 1 min. O-wells. I went to my classes today, and am pleased that I know at least one person in each. Sad news is, i have 1 class with Jasper. But I am sure it will be alright- as long as he doesn't bother me much.

I am indeed missing Juan a whole lot. But i am pleased that i am able to talk to him whenver I can...even tho he keeps saying that i have 20 boyfriends here {which i do not!!}. But other than that, he does make my day when i hear from him. I am glad that we have ways to keep in touch! I think i would pull out all my hair if i couldn't keep in touch with Juan. I do think about Juan a whole lot- and I try not to because i need to be 100% focus on my classes right now. For surely Bible Doctrine and Theology {which are two classes that are alike but diff. and also have the most quizes and papers...AHHHHHHHHHH}

I got called from my kitchen job. I had told Renee' that i have had a class changed and can't make it to work- but she still called me telling me that i was supposed to work. So when I went to eat {between 5th and 6th hour} I told her that i was in class when she called me. I felt kinda bad about it tho- but it's not really my fault. o-wells.

Mr.Mckee wasn't about to let me work for him- because i have an "attitude problem". Guess i need to work on that some more! Bradley and Jason has talked him into letting me work for him again, so i am now on this "Trail base" and he is going to keep in eye on me {to make sure i am doing what i am suppose to do and that my attitude isn't bad.} But now Bradley and Jason are believeing Mr.Mckee {because of something he told them.. not sure what it was.} But i can tell you this... I don't have an attitude problem. I am a hard worker and will do my job- and do what i am told to do. I don't really see where my attitude problem is at- because i am very quiet and do keep to myself alot. But whatever! At least i have the job for now, and maybe i can prove to them that i am indeed a hard worker and that my attitude isn't bad at all. I do believe it has something to do with whatever Becky had told Mr.Mckee when she was my head-leader. Guess she hates those who are a hard-worker and was willing to make me look bad just to make her look good. O-wells!!

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

Today was indeed a good day- i woke up and went for a walk with mom. We went to the bank then stopped for ice-cream and talked the whole time. Yeah- i really believe that mom and dad are going to end up getting a divorce within 5-10 years. They are not working things out and are getting madder each day with each other-and then pours it onto us. {pushing me in the middle- which i really do not want to have any part of.} It surely is hard- but that is life i guess!

After talking with Juan for a bit, I was checking my Facebook acount and saw that Katie added new pictures. Awwws!! I do miss her loads! Katie was my PC {Prayer Captain- whom is the leader in each dorm room} during my Freshmen year. She knew that I was into scrap-booking and had started one- she had me work on hers a bit. It surely was a blessing seeing how young she looked to now, and also seeing her siblings and how they looked at a young age too. {Pic: Starting with Katie in Hot Pink, then Anna in the hat, then Bethany in the light-pink, and then Rachel in the tan...I had met Rachel when she came to visit Katie, very lovely lady she is..}

Alot of the pictures showed her special brothers hug. Wonder how it would look like when the youngest one there is 20 years old.. hahaha. {she also has another brother- 8 kids total... mega awesome!} Katie was the RA {Resident Assistant- whom is in charge of the floor and is over the PCs} She wasn't my RA, but i went to her for alot of things. Like when Aunt Jodi's mom {whom is my adopted Grandma} died- i tooked it a bit hard. Katie just gave me a huge hug and prayed with me. Now, i think she is going to be back this year- and if she is, it truly would be awesome to see her around! :D YAY for friends!!! Now, i think Rachel might be going to school there- so that would be cool to become friends with her a bit! :D we have something in common already {growing up in a big family!}

So after being on Facebook- i ended up watching Scarey Movie 4 {with John, Nikko, Chris, Chris' sister, and Kaytie} It was funnie- just some parts could do without... but it's alright. I went up-stairs to start packing the books i wanna take with me- then ended up talking for about an hour with Joy {which was very awesome indeed- and I am ever so excited to be seeing her in Dec.. YAYS!!} Then after finishing with the books- i went downstairs and dad was "watching" SM4 ... Greg came in and started watching it too- so we just laughed and joked around about it. I know that there won't be many days i can be kinda lazy when i go to school- {and i usually am not lazy when i am home.. but i kinda was today...} I was indeed lost in thought about alot of things {like school and whatnots}. As we watched America Got Talent- i was picking on Kaytie.. and ended up finding a new ticklish spot... .. I think with me picking on her alot- she is getting a bit stronger {but not strong enough.. haha} So maybe i need to keep it up! hahahaha

My thumb is still tender from it being shut in the door- but it's not as swollen or doesn't hurt as much {i can bend it more- YEAHHHS}.. so it's all GOOD-NEWS! AND...... i am still breathing! {which is even better!}.. I had Greg gave a grad.card to Tiffany, {because when i looked for her after service, i couldn't find her}.. she was still at church, so i must've just not seen her.. Anyways- she loved the card! Just wish i could have given it to her in person, then we could've talked for a while! :D I think she is going to West-Coast College {or maybe to Macomb}.. either way, she will do greats! I am excited for her, because she is indeed going to use her flute as a ministry for God {and she is ever so good!} So thats an update on me and a little info on a friend! PEACE OUT!

Monday, August 20, 2007

What a blessing it is to be alive! Yesterday at church, Pastor Bryan preached on giving to the Lord {your time} and having a fellowship with HIM. How God doesn't move around- but we are to move around {either closer to Him or further away from Him..}. When we draw closer to Him, He draws closer to us.. It's so very true. I can be as close to God as I want to and as fast as i want {not force to go one speed when it's too fast for me or whatnots}. What a blessing it is to be reminded about that.

Maria has some wonderful pictures on her Myspace account. She truly is growing up a bit now! Maturing alot since she had Rodman. {awwwws, what a cutie}. He is 1 now, and is growing up. I saw Jason's twin girls at church yesterday also!! They are about 4 now, and have grown up a whole lot. They didn't know that I was related to them somehow! haha. But they sure are cuties! {don't have a pic-sorry} But it was indeed very awesome to have seen them :D

Juan and I hanged out yesterday! We went to Wendy's and talked. We went over some poems and he re-wrote one for me {because i asked him to have it in his writing.. awws}. On the way back, we stopped off at Tim-Houtons and talked alot more! He is such a gentleman and is very kind! I am glad that we will be able to keep in touch when i go back to school. I will miss him ever so much if we couldn't keep in touch. Even when i hang out with Stephen- i don't talk as much as i do when i'm with Juan. It's kinda crazzie, but it's all good! Juan is very serious and very logical- but he has shown a crazzie side a few times! And for those that know me, knows that i love to be crazzie! After all- i did jump off a clift {which i would do again if i could..}

Only less than a week before i have to be at school- and it's crazzie to think that. Because it doesn't feel like it's been Aug for a while now {but it's been a few weeks.} Feels like i should still have one more month to go- but thats not true, because i only have less than one week to go. But i am very excited to go. I get to see Jolene and Deanna and Mary and many others that i know. I will end up seeing Ruthanna during Labor Day!! {will go over to her house for a meal or something, and figure out plan tickets for our vacation trip to Tx} I am very excited to be seeing Joy in Dec, and my baby niece {Reyna}.. {Joy- Mrs. Butler said she loves the name!!! and Congrats!}..I love sitting outside reading or doing HW. {in the pic- that is the Old Main.. which use to be a catholic school for boys. It is also what i clean at nights -the 1st lvl, student center and basement or aka Acad..} Soon, this is what i'll be seeing all the time!! CRAZZIE!!

Well- i found out why mom was upset the other day.. She had saw an ad on a car that she could afford and looks like it'll be a good one to invest in. So she showed dad and dad just threw it off to the side and went back to his computer. So she got mad because she felt as if he just doesn't care about her needs. {and we do need a better car}. so mom is upset because the money she had saved up- she has to use it to rent a car instead of investing a car. Which it would be better to buy a car rather than renting a car and having to start over with the saving! Dad just doesn't care, and he needs to get a life! Dad is finally starting to get mad at Kaytie- because she isn't doing anything around the house or even really trying to find a job. She is out of HS now, and will not be going to college this yr {bc she wants to save up for a yr}... But Kaytie really isn't doing anything around the house and expects everyone to pay for her with anything {like when we go out or something..} She has this Princess thing stuck in her head and thinks that everyone should do things for her {and she doesn't have to do anything back}. To tell you the truth- i really can't see Kt being a good mom someday! I know i will be a good mom someday {which is in 2 months ..... JK} -i don't want mom to get on my case about this, because i truly am not pregnant! kinda need to- ya know- with a guy, and i have not done that yet {i will when i am married! because that is something special for my hubby and for him alone!}

Well- thats that.. Love ya loads!! And keep on breathing!!!

Saturday, August 18, 2007

Lately, I've been lost in thought about Love and romantic. I know that Love isn't just something ya just say, "I love you", but it is also something ya do. To love is to be honest- and to not be scared to say anything. I have alot within me that i tend to keep inside, mainly because i am not sure how to tell someone those things.

Juan mentioned something about dad have been telling him things {like me dating Jasper}.. but I am not sure what else my dad has been saying. It's not like i am trying to keep anything from people- it just something i don't tell everybody. So for me to know that dad is telling Juan things about me- it hurts. And now i am wondering if dad ended up telling Juan about my darkest secret {which i will tell when the time is right}. I had told Jasper it at one time- and he just laughed at me and i ended up regretting telling him.

In the real-world, life is set on being romantic. It is nice to be romantic, but if the relationship is based on that, then it really isn't love. about 90% of the movies out there today is based on sex and whatnots. So when i watch a movie that ends up having this kind of stuff {like the Wedding Crashers or Pride&Prejudice or whatnots} it gets thoughts into my head that i don't want. It's like Satan is putting these thoughts into my head for a reason- but it is up to me to keep thinking about it or to let it go. So, i simply try to let it go and to keep it outta my head. But why does most of these movies have to deal with that kind of things? Its just stupid how thoughts come into my mind and go. Why can't I not think them and just be alright?

Now, I love the movie "Pride & Prejudice", mainly because they went through a hard time and ended up falling for each other. I think about what I want in a guy- and I know i want someone who i can trust and someone who can trust me. I need to be more open with whats on my mind with some people- but it is hard when i am not use to of it at all. I was always that girl who sat in the corner listening to people. I still have alot of growing to do- but now, i have grown alot since my Freshmen year of College.

Kaytie and I walked up to Stephen's place yesterday. As we were about a few houses from his house, we saw him hop into his car and was pulling out.. So i walked up to the street {seeing how there is one way out..haha} and just looked at him. He stopped and told us that he forgot that Kelly and him had planed on having dinner together- so we joined them. {Being that I had just gotten done eating with Juan, i wasn't hungry}. After picking Kelly up, we went to Coney Island. As we got there i had shut the door and Kelly had shut her door and my hand was stuck. So i simply asked Stephen if he would unlock the door-haha.. My thumb hurted alot, but i just kept it cool. {Even tho it was black where the door hit it... but it cleared away after 20 mins.. but it's sore} We ended up talking about school and family as we were there. After that we went to go see if putt-putt was full {which it was}, so we decided to go see whats playing at the movies {nothing we could agree on..} so we ended up going to the mall and walked around. We stopped off at the book store {and yes, i got a book..haha}.. and was in there for a long time. Mainly looking at Anime books and talking about that. Stephen wanted to see what was at Best Buy, so we stopped there and ended up looking at Disney Dvds and Animes---what nerds we have int he group. As were were walking around, Kelly seemed to be ever so quiet {not sure why, being how she was all talking during the meal...o-wells}

Today- I woked up and ended up watching Full House. Mom seemed to have something on her mind- but didn't wanna say {o-wells}.. In the end, she asked if i wanted to do something with her, i said yeah.. but she just sat there playing her games online {like Spider and whatnots}. She kept mentioning that she wants to do something but didn't know what.. I didn't know what either, because i kinda wasn't in the mood to do something {being that i just got up, my mind isn't working well}. By the time she was ready to go to bed, she seemed upset with me- mainly because i didn't get up and walked out the door {yet, she was just sitting there too}.. She knows that if she wants to go somewhere, i am willing to go too. Right now, i have everything i need for school {besides Nylons.. but i can get that laters}. I don't want to spend alot of money when i could use that money for school. I surely am not made of money! O-wells! I love my mom, just wish she could calm down. She thinks that Juan and I are pratically married already, yet i am dating other guys!! Not sure what is going on in her mind right now. Really, i guess i could care-less.. because I do care about Juan a whole lot- but Juan and I still need to get to know each other before we do anything major. Ya can't get to know someone very well within a few months.. it takes time. So Juan and I are taking our time and are just talking. So, i really don't know why mom is so against this- when i am going about this the right way. I am not jumping into this like i did with Jasper. It's just stupid! But WHATEVER!! She can think whatever she wants to.. she isn't there with me all the time, so she doesn't know if i am doing something or not. If she doesn't want to believe what i tell her, then that is up to her. {just like whatever i tell Juan or anyone else, it is up to them to believe me or not}..

Well- Peace Out! I just have alot on my mind and i still need to think things through. It is crazzie- because i am now really growing up and seeing things...logically. Just need to put it into action a bit too.

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

There are many people i know that are having a birthday this month- it's CRAZZIE!!! Yesterday was my twin brother's birthday. They are now 18 years old, and so they had a video game party going on for a while. Then they went out with their friends to do something or another. My brother {my brother-in-law really} Chris is having a brithday in a few days... He truly is a blessing to me,, even tho i don't really talk to him much. But i don't really talk to Joy much either, so i know he doesn't get mad when i do end up talking to Joy at times. Also, it is my friend Dannie's birthday on his... That is way too cools! Just i haven't talked to her in a while... hummmmmmmmmms.. guess she will be shocked to hear from me :D I think Aunt Jodi's birthday is Aug...but i really can't remember :( But that is alright.

2 weeks it's one of my best friend's birthday. Jolene will be 21 on the 27th. I got her some wicked-crazzie- things for her birthday. Lets just say, she'll be a princess {haha}. This picture is like us!! Jolene is Pooh-Bear, I am Piglet, Ruthanna is Tigger, and I'm not sure who is Roo. {guess we can get Deanna to be Roo.}

I am excited about going to school and seeing my friends again. I haven't seen them in a long time, and do miss them loads {for surely Jolene}.. But i know i will miss my friends here- but i know that it'll be alright. Because wherever i am at, i know i will end up missing someone or another. I do miss people- but i make the best of wherever i am at. If i just think about who i miss, then how am i going to enjoy the person i am with {a friend, a family member, or whom-nots}

This morning, my grandpa came by to take me driving. He taught me how to park {like Juan did on Sat.} At first, grandpa was getting mad at me for the simplist things... but after a while, he soon realized that i was listening to him and that i am not bad at all. So in the end, he was proud of me. He took me over by Wal-Mart and had me park between two cars..over and over and over. It was good. I am not that bad when i can see where the car is at.. but when there isn't any cars in the lane- i'm not so straight... o-wells.

I saw this pic and thought it was ever so funnie.. i just hope that who-ever i marry won't want to do that with me. But, whomever i marry will have to be a good driver- otherwise..... i'll just kick his butt.. jk

I just now realized that Will and Christy Galkin has a new baby.. Awwwwws.. He is ever so cute. Lily is walking now, and William is looking ever so cute!! I am not sure who the one girl in the pants is... i know that can't be Anna-Grace {because Anna-Grace is only a year or two older than William, and he is only 6 or 7 now.

But I do love Will's preaching, and keep missing him. He was preaching at MBBC last year for the meetings..but i wasn't there :(.. then either it was this year or next year, he will be preaching at Faith Baptist Church.. and i'll be at school at the time. That is ever so sad.. But it's alright. I am sure he will be visiting MBBC. I was told that Christy has a new cd out- but i may be wrong about that.. That would be ever so awesome, and i will 100% be getting it. She is an awesome singer, and a great woman of God.

Here is one of my best friend from Faith Baptist Church.. She graduated and will be going to college this year {just not mbbc}.. But that is alright. {Kelly- her sis- is on the left and Tiffany- my friend- is on the right}. I made a card for Tiffany.. now i just need to get some Mintos and then give that to her. Why on earth would i give her Mintos? {so you ask}.. Well, In HS.. she would always have Mintos with her and would always give me one before service. So her mom started giving me Mintos here and there also.. Kinda cute!! Tiffany went over seas for a missions trip, and gave me a little box of Mintos from there.. ever so cools.

Sam and John are now Married... YEAHHHS.. They got married on Saturday. I wish i could've gone {i was invited, of course}.. but it's alright. I really can't wait to see pictures. I know i posted this pic of her before- but i love this pic. Because of the story behind it. What a great day that was {and it was before Becky was the Head-Leader in my group} Way too cools. Sam is still a blessing to me- even tho I haven't heard from her in a long time {and i am pretty bad with contacting people.. i haven't even called Jolene yet... but i shall be seeing both Jolene and Sam when I go back to school..yeahhhhz}. Praise the Lord! I have such good friends! I just know that I am going to have a great school year this year. I will get good grades from studying ever so hard, and i shall make new friends and see my old friends. I am just hoping to get my jobs back- School just wouldn't be the same anymore without them {loads of fun}.

I gave a speech at a Dinner Meal thing for my Church on Sunday.. And let me tell you- I WAS NERVOUS. I was so nervous that i was shaking. I wasn't that bad when i was giving my speeches for my speech class.. But after i got started, things started to flow.. I happened to have said that their kids were brats.. and the funnie thing about that is that it wasn't even on my speech.. hahaha. But they sure did laughed at that. I forgot to bring my money- so i made them a special card and will be giving it to them when i see them next {tomorrow or Sunday}. But over all- it went very well {a bit long, but it was good} I kinda forgot my camera :(... so i will have to wait to get some from Esther. There was this guy going around with a camera and had us say something for the pastor.... He came up to me and i was lost... so i just said "HOLLA".. and smiled... HAHAHAHA... but i am sure they will get a kick outta that. Well- thats that! PEACE OUTZ {or INZ if ya really wanted to.. haha}

Wednesday, August 08, 2007

"Atomic Bomb Detonation at Hiroshima

The Aioi Bridge, one of 81 bridges connecting the seven-branched delta of the Ota River, was the target; ground zero was set at 1,980 feet. At 0815 hours, the bomb was dropped from the Enola Gay. It missed by only 800 feet. At 0816 hours, in an instant, 66,000 people were killed and 69,000 injured by a 10-kiloton atomic explosion.

The area of total vaporization from the atomic bomb blast measured one half mile in diameter; total destruction one mile in diameter; severe blast damage as much as two miles in diameter. Within a diameter of two and a half miles, everything flammable burned. The remaining area of the blast zone was riddled with serious blazes that stretched out to the final edge at a little over three miles in diameter."

Yesterday as I was flipping through the t.v., i came across a documentary on the Atomic Bomb that we American did on the Japanese. There were a few survivors who was telling their story and how they survived and what they saw. It was very interesting, because as Americans- we see things from one side. So for these survivors to tell their stories, gave a new look on this.

It is very crazzie to think that one minute you were doing one thing: thinking one thing, and then BAM!! You are on the ground- either burned but still alive or burned and dead.

One survivor story is that someone was by the river- and all she could remember was that the fire was very hot. So she jumped into the river and held her breathe under water. She saw dead bodies all over the place. After a while, her sister and her was walking along a railroad. A train had came by, and her sister decided to kill herself. The girl then step where her sister was and was also bout to kill herself- but was to scared at the end. She then went on saying how she then learned that there are two kinds of courage; Courage of death- and- Courage of life.

It does take courage to kill yaself, but it takes more courage to live. The Lord gave us a reason to live- and if we believe Him, then we will know that He kept us alive for a reason. To kill one-self is not the best way to leave, because what if you were that special person who can help lead many to the Lord- or save many people from a war or whatnots.

If an Atomic Bomb was to hit right now, I wouldn't know if i would be one of those that die or one of those that live. Either way, I know I would want to be where the Lord wants me to be, and to do what He wants me to do.

I am still learning what the Lord wants me to do. It is indeed very hard, because i often do want to do things my own way. Sometimes- i feel like an bomb was thrown at me, and it is up to me to take the hit and to learn from it. Rather it's a bomb of love or a bomb of patience. I can't duck- because it would hit someone else, and i probably wouldn't learn what the Lord would want me to learn from it. If you know what i mean!! I have many scars that i need to tend to- and the Lord knows what to do and knows how to heal me. {The Doctors in Japan at the time didn't know how to help all these survivors or know what to do with these new symptoms that came up after a while.

It is amazing to know that I am here on earth right now for a reason. The Lord can take my life any second now- but He is letting me have this breathe that i am breathing now. He has a plan for my life {and yours too}.. I don't know what that reason is, but i do know that I want to be the best i can be. I am very glad to be an American!! The Lord has blessed me with this. I am able to believe what i want to believe, say what i want to- to anyone, and be whatever i want to be. I don't have to believe one way, or say certain things {scared that i will be shot if i say it}, or be what someone tells me to be. I am my own person- and I choose to do what the Lord has me to do.

Monday, August 06, 2007

Saturday, I had the chance to go to the zoo with a friend of mine. We mainly just walked around and took random pictures of animals. We also were able to talk and get to know each other a bit. When he came to pick me up- i was waiting outside with mom {as she was on the phone with Joy}. He pulled up in his black car, and off we were. His female friend was going to come also- but she changed her mind at the last min. She thought that Gary and I wanted to go as a date and was going to do a double-date thing.. But i guess when she found out that we are going just a friends, she didn't want to get in the middle of things {or something}.

Gary had said that his female friend wanted a pic of the two of us... so i jumped onto a bench and SNAP! A picture of us. Beautiful ah? {besides, check me out... I am indeed beautiful!!} Gary is indeed very funnie, and was having me laughing almost the whole time. And yes- he didn't smile much the whole time. He seems to be that type of person who can pull a prank and noone would know that it was him. With me, i could pull a prank and everyone would know it was me.

Here we are in a cave thingy-mer-bobber. We were watching the seal swim by. There were loads of people in there, so it was hard to get a good look {but once we were able, we took some pics of that seal swimming..} I kinda like this pic of us, because it shows how short i am compared to him.. hahahahahahahahhahahaha. YEAH FOR BEING SHORT! {awwws, this pic shows off my beautifulness..Watch out guys, i am tougher than what i look}

I am not even sure where my mom got the idea that Gary and I were more than friends. I mean, how stupid can I be? Why would i want to go hang out with a friend and call it dating? Thats just lame. Gary and I are JUST FRIENDS.. nothing more. He is a Christian, and is 23.. but we are just friends. He is going thru something, and like i said, i hope he picks what i picked {to stay alive..}

I was reading other people's blog a bit and came to this pic.. O-MY-SOUL.. guess they don't need to worry about paying for gas.. hahahahahahahahaha.. Would you like to ride like that? I think i would be scared!!
Okies- this is what i had posted on my Facebook! I am not sure who all reads my blogs or not- but here it is! Love Ya'lls

I remember sleeping at a friend's place in the basement. There were no windows, and no lights. At 5 am, as i lied there on the couch-bed, i was in awe as to see that i couldn't see anything. Almost as if i had my eyes closed- which i didn't tho. It was then that i realized that all it would take is one beam of light for someone to see where something was at {like a pathway or what your hand looks like}.

Lately, Juan {a co-worker and a very good friend} has been telling me that i need to get out of myself and to see me the way everyone else sees me. I am ever so hard on myself, and dating someone that brought me down more didn't help much at all. But now, someone is telling me that i truly am a blessing and that I truly am beautiful {inside and out}.

As i read in John, i am reminded that I am only in the dark room and the only way out is to shine- and the only way to shine is to look unto Him. I need not to be afraid of what people think of me, or what I think of me. I just need to show off who I am inside- outside. And now is the best time to show the world that I can shine bigger than what i am. Just like a fire-fly can night up a sky at night, and it is just a tiny little thing.

Like a rose or any flowers- I can't just stay wrapped up. If i do, then no-one will ever see what i look like when i blossom. So i need to open up and show off my beauty, and indeed i am ever so beautiful inside. Why should i stay closed up when i know that there is so much more to me than what people can see now. I tend to keep to myself, because it is the easiest way for me to go on with life. I grew up being the one that was teased. I was that kid that was in the corner with no friends. I had tooken things so personal back then, that now my thinking is way off. I don't think so highly of myself, even if i am good at something {like scrapbooking or singing or whatnots}. So having a friend tell me that i am truly beautiful and am a blessing, does help. Juan is helping me to really see that side of me- and i never saw it before.

I know that God created the bugs to do what He says. So they collect their food and save it for that cold winter that is on the way. They work and work and work to get their food all stocked up and they make sure they have enough to last them a long time to stay alive. I too need to work and work and work to get ym food all stocked up for that i have enough to last me a long time to stay alive too. But my food is the Word of God.

Satan wants me to believe that i am just falling and that i have no where else to go but to fall. But the Lord is there telling me that all i have to do is look up and see that He is there for me and that He will catch me if i ask Him too. Satan can't throw things at me that God won't let him. So if i am falling, then I am letting Satan have control- but if I ask God to catch me, then Satan does not have control anymore. What a blessing it is to know that i can go to God and to ask for help-and know that He will help me {when the time is right}.

So- may you pray that I really start to open up more. I keep things deep down- and not many people see the beauty that lies within me. {because i am off in that corner again}. Thank you very much!!

May you have a wonderful and a Blessed day!! :D

Thursday, August 02, 2007

Yesterday, Juan took me out for ice-cream when he got off work. It was very sweet! We got there, and i paid for it {even though he was getting his money to pay for it}. We sat down at the tables outside, and talked as we ate our ice-creams. {of course i got a Strawberry ShortCake... yum yum!} We ended up talking for about 1/2 an hour there. Then he wanted to check something out down the road, so we drove down a ways. As we did a turn around, he scared me! He started pulling out in front of cars {even tho they were not moving}, but i was scared and he even saw that in my eyes. But i am still alive, and am okies. Even with that happening, i can honestly say that he is a better driver than my dad and grandpa. So- Juan and I talked as he droped me off. There was these 2 teenagers out chasing their dog that ran away. So Juan had the guy hop into his car and he drove him down the street. They were able to catch the dog before it ran onto 9mile. I had noticed that he did that for them and thought it was very sweet.

Juan and I talk alot, and that is very good for a relationship of any kind {like in a friendship or more}.. But being that Juan and I are just friends, it is very good for our relationship as friends. When it came to Jasper and I, we never really talked much. If anything, i was the one who did most of the talking and even then- it was like talking to a wall. I didn't really like that in that relationship at all {and id one of the many reasons i had to break it off with him}.. With Juan, it isn't just me talking but he is talking to me too. I am getting to know him and he is getting to know me. The only uncheckable thing we've done would be being in the same car, alone. {which i would get demerits for or kicked out of school.} I very do enjoy being able to talk to Juan, and we talk about alot of things. Like our past, and what we learned in our reading or what we like n dislike. I don't know him super well, but from what i do know about him- he is a great guy.

Gary and I and a friend of his is going to be going to the zoo this weekend. I am hoping to knock some sense into his head. He is going through a whole lot and is wanting to take himself out of the world. So I am hoping that his friend and i can gang up on him and let him know that we are here for him and that he does have people here on earth that cares about him. And i do care about him, he is my friend. It hurts to know that a friend of mine is wanting to take theirselves out of the world. I know I wanted to one time- but i learned that it wasn't the right way to go.. By going through that tho, i am sure that i will be able to help Gary. Because i know how he feels and even tho we went through different things- we end up in the same place {deciding to stay alive or not}. And i do hope that he picks what i picked {to stay alive!}.

Other than that- things are going alright. I am still learning and growing. :) At least it is better than not learning and growing!! :)