Lately, I've been lost in thought about Love and romantic. I know that Love isn't just something ya just say, "I love you", but it is also something ya do. To love is to be honest- and to not be scared to say anything. I have alot within me that i tend to keep inside, mainly because i am not sure how to tell someone those things.

Juan mentioned something about dad have been telling him things {like me dating Jasper}.. but I am not sure what else my dad has been saying. It's not like i am trying to keep anything from people- it just something i don't tell everybody. So for me to know that dad is telling Juan things about me- it hurts. And now i am wondering if dad ended up telling Juan about my darkest secret {which i will tell when the time is right}. I had told Jasper it at one time- and he just laughed at me and i ended up regretting telling him.













































In the real-world, life is set on being romantic. It is nice to be romantic, but if the relationship is based on that, then it really isn't love. about 90% of the movies out there today is based on sex and whatnots. So when i watch a movie that ends up having this kind of stuff {like the Wedding Crashers or Pride&Prejudice or whatnots} it gets thoughts into my head that i don't want. It's like Satan is putting these thoughts into my head for a reason- but it is up to me to keep thinking about it or to let it go. So, i simply try to let it go and to keep it outta my head. But why does most of these movies have to deal with that kind of things? Its just stupid how thoughts come into my mind and go. Why can't I not think them and just be alright?

Now, I love the movie "Pride & Prejudice", mainly because they went through a hard time and ended up falling for each other. I think about what I want in a guy- and I know i want someone who i can trust and someone who can trust me. I need to be more open with whats on my mind with some people- but it is hard when i am not use to of it at all. I was always that girl who sat in the corner listening to people. I still have alot of growing to do- but now, i have grown alot since my Freshmen year of College.

Kaytie and I walked up to Stephen's place yesterday. As we were about a few houses from his house, we saw him hop into his car and was pulling out.. So i walked up to the street {seeing how there is one way out..haha} and just looked at him. He stopped and told us that he forgot that Kelly and him had planed on having dinner together- so we joined them. {Being that I had just gotten done eating with Juan, i wasn't hungry}. After picking Kelly up, we went to Coney Island. As we got there i had shut the door and Kelly had shut her door and my hand was stuck. So i simply asked Stephen if he would unlock the door-haha.. My thumb hurted alot, but i just kept it cool. {Even tho it was black where the door hit it... but it cleared away after 20 mins.. but it's sore} We ended up talking about school and family as we were there. After that we went to go see if putt-putt was full {which it was}, so we decided to go see whats playing at the movies {nothing we could agree on..} so we ended up going to the mall and walked around. We stopped off at the book store {and yes, i got a book..haha}.. and was in there for a long time. Mainly looking at Anime books and talking about that. Stephen wanted to see what was at Best Buy, so we stopped there and ended up looking at Disney Dvds and Animes---what nerds we have int he group. As were were walking around, Kelly seemed to be ever so quiet {not sure why, being how she was all talking during the meal...o-wells}




























Today- I woked up and ended up watching Full House. Mom seemed to have something on her mind- but didn't wanna say {o-wells}.. In the end, she asked if i wanted to do something with her, i said yeah.. but she just sat there playing her games online {like Spider and whatnots}. She kept mentioning that she wants to do something but didn't know what.. I didn't know what either, because i kinda wasn't in the mood to do something {being that i just got up, my mind isn't working well}. By the time she was ready to go to bed, she seemed upset with me- mainly because i didn't get up and walked out the door {yet, she was just sitting there too}.. She knows that if she wants to go somewhere, i am willing to go too. Right now, i have everything i need for school {besides Nylons.. but i can get that laters}. I don't want to spend alot of money when i could use that money for school. I surely am not made of money! O-wells! I love my mom, just wish she could calm down. She thinks that Juan and I are pratically married already, yet i am dating other guys!! Not sure what is going on in her mind right now. Really, i guess i could care-less.. because I do care about Juan a whole lot- but Juan and I still need to get to know each other before we do anything major. Ya can't get to know someone very well within a few months.. it takes time. So Juan and I are taking our time and are just talking. So, i really don't know why mom is so against this- when i am going about this the right way. I am not jumping into this like i did with Jasper. It's just stupid! But WHATEVER!! She can think whatever she wants to.. she isn't there with me all the time, so she doesn't know if i am doing something or not. If she doesn't want to believe what i tell her, then that is up to her. {just like whatever i tell Juan or anyone else, it is up to them to believe me or not}..

Well- Peace Out! I just have alot on my mind and i still need to think things through. It is crazzie- because i am now really growing up and seeing things...logically. Just need to put it into action a bit too.