Thursday, August 30, 2012

Another TX day!

 My Pastor's son in AK is going to be a Fire man for a while. I am super excited for him. I could see him being a Fireman or a Policeman. He is a tough guy, but he is very sweet. I know that he will make a great husband for a special lady someday {someone about his own age}. I am very blessed to have gotten to know him a bit over the year. {my last year there and their 1st year there}.

I've been reading in Isaiah {not because my nephew's name is Isaiah}, and it got me thinking about paths. Each path is different and each situation is different. Sometimes you can see where you are going, and other times- you do not. But it's how to handle it that can make it or break it. As a king, you either are a follower {of Christ} or a leader {of selfishness}..In the beginning of Isaiah, it starts off by talking about how the people were not listening to God. They were like a kid being punished over and over on the same thing- but it wasn't fazing them that they were being punished. Later on, Isaiah {the prophet} told the King what was going to come- a sign... that a virgin was going to have a child and call Him Emmanuel. I then came to where it talked about how Christ was going to come and restore the throne of David {compared to the book of Rev. 17 and 19}. Since Christ did came from a virgin, we know that He will restore the throne like He says in Revelation. So, which path are you on? Are you on the path that follows Christ or are you on the path that leads to Hell?

I recently got to babysit a 5 year old girl. I had so much fun that i enjoyed it a whole lot. We mainly just drew pictures and played games. She had to take a bath, so we played with her bath toys together for a bit before getting washed up and dressed. Then we read a few books, and drew more pictures. It was fun. She surely didn't want me to leave, and yet wanted me to come back again- everyday. I had started to head for my car when she came outside to tell me that she loves me. It was super cute and i just wanted to give her a hug. :D i love working with kids!

 I am hoping for a job soon. I really need one so i can help pay rent and pay my own bills. I hate having to depend on others. I really want to help out more, but i am stuck feeling like there isn't much i can do. I do try to help clean up around the house, and help with the kids, and try to keep Reyna out of trouble. I am trying to teach her manners, and how asking nicely for things may be better than crying and whining about it. But that is all part of growing up and realizing how things works. :D I know i was at that age once upon a time. :D

Monday, August 27, 2012

 Aug 26 2012, I broke it off with my boyfriend of 4 years. I love him so much that i wanted what was best for him and i know that this is what was best for us. I am glad that he said that he still want to be friends, and i really hope we continue being friends. I know that if we were meant to be, then the Lord will work things out. But i know for a fact that i need to grow more in Christ and to let Stephen grow too. For now, i can be a friend and encourage him to grow too.

After doing the 2nd hardest thing in my life, a sweet reminder of the 1st hardest thing in my life came to my phone. A picture of my son! He had just gotten his hairs cut. Even without his curls, he looks ever so adorable. I just know that many girls will have a broken heart. I am indeed very blessed that i am his birthmom. I love his blue eyes, and his sweet smile. It was a great surprise and at the perfect time. It surely made my day much brighter.

I love my nephew, i really do.. but does he have to get up at 6-6:30 every day? I mean, it is okay to sleep in till 8 or 9. He is crawling everywhere, squeezing his way through things, walking along the couches, and singing more. He is getting big, but yet he is still in the 3% of height and weight.

My niece, also LOVES to be up super early. If i sneak out to use the restroom while my nephew is drinking his milk... she is right there wanting to get out of her room. So my choice is then- either tell her to go back in bed and have her wake up her other Aunt, or have to her out and drive me insane with her noisy self? So, i've been putting on a show for her to watch to keep her hush up, and feed her something for breakfast. She has gotten better since i've been down- but there are times when i just wanna tie her down. I am sure every kid is like that--- just not my son. jk! She is starting school, slowly. Homeschooled, and it seems like she is catching on to some things pretty well. Just getting her to see what she knows is hard because she keeps saying she can't do it. guess she needs to learn that she can indeed do it.

 While we were at a Disney store at a mall nearby, i saw this perfect princess dress that i want to make for myself for my future wedding that i hope i will have. I would love to have it look just like that and maybe add a wee-bit color {purple or pink} to it. I would love to get married to a great godly man. Someone who will challenge me with my walk with the Lord and encourage me. Someone who will do the will of God no matter what-- even if it's hard and hurts. Someone who even if they do mess up and did something stupid, will move forward and not go that way again. And i too need to be that woman who does the same.

 I am still looking for a job and hoping for one that will work out perfect.One that i can have fun and something i enjoy doing. Getting a job at Hobby Lobby, or a cleaning job, or another nanny job, or dishes in a restaurant would be amazing. I do have a babysitting job this week. I am super excited, and so it the little girl i will be watching. I am glad that they live nearby.

I will leave you with this...

Ps 37:24
"Though they stumble, they will never fall, for the Lord holds them by the hand."

I came across this quote from 's page... "God uses brokenness far more than He uses strength or talent. Talent makes you look good. Brokenness makes God look good.." That is ever so true.

I also came across another blog {which i happened to X out before i could save it}, that talked about how FB has taken up her time and how she missed writing letters with a penpal and listen to someone. It got me thinking- We are indeed often just "too busy" to listen to God or just want to tell our own story... when really, we should be wanting to listen to God's story and tell His story to others. His story is far more important than my own-- tho, my repentance and testimony is important to share too {a way to show how truly amazing He is}. I mean- He did came to pay our penalty that we could NEVER pay... He victoriously conquered death, and paid the price i deserve to pay. AND..... He loves me still.. Very awesome. I am glad i came across that, but sad that i didn't saved it.

God is just too awesome. 's last blog touched my heart. They talked about when Abraham went to give God his only son, Issac. This story hits close to home because of my son. I was willing to give him to God, to this family... and because i was willing to do that, i in return was blessed far more. It's not always easy doing the right thing, but it is worth it. I mean, i have a story to share to those that think abortion is the answer-- when really, there is adoption and LOVE! What was also very cool about this blog, is that it's from a woman's group. I miss my woman's group in AK! {Tho, they made mention that i should be their next retreat speaker! Now that would be scary yet amazing!}

Friday, August 03, 2012

Texas Summer 2012

It's crazzie to think of how much the Lord has guided us on this new path. I helped out one weekend moving a friend things to their new apartment. Their family was super impressed with me. They thought I was very young and weak, but they were shocked once i started carrying the heavier things and helping out with the big things. It was great! Then the next weekend I helped moved my sister's things to the new house. Spent a week unpacking mostly all of my things before i was asked to help out with something..

My brother in law's grandpa is dying with lung and brain cancer. He is slowly getting weaker, and some days he is weaker and other days he is just very stubborn. It is hard to understand him at times, but for the most part it isn't too hard. I am strong enough to help hold him up {he weighs about 85lb}. The family is taking it hard and in their own ways. I am glad that i am able to help and to just be here for the family. I pray that the Lord will work in his heart before he dies. Would be very awesome to see him again in Heaven. I spend the days with him and a few all-nighters {I just can't sleep when i am on duty}.

My grandma isn't doing too good. She is having low- blood pressure. She had a seizure the other day and was in the hospital over night. She is doing better now, but i would not be too shock if she dies soon too. I love her, don't get me wrong.. but she is indeed old and have seen a whole lot. She made mention to my older sister that she hopes to go to Heaven when she dies. Which makes me wonder if she indeed Born-Again. I really would love to see my grandma in Heaven. But if she doesn't know that she is going to Heaven, then how can I be sure? I made mention of it on one of my cousin's status about Grandma... and her little brother jumped in and was very upset with me. He told me that i am pathetic and he hated me. So i emailed him asking why he hated me. He then replied back saying it was because i am not sure if Grandma is going to heaven and i shouldn't have said that... he then went on saying how she deserves to go to heaven more than i do and that she has been to church every Sunday and has been good for so many years. Well, i do not know what Bible he reads, but God says in Romans that we ALL fall short to the glory of God... that the wages of sin is DEATH. If we do not have Christ in our heart, if we have not repented our sins to Him, then we will go to Hell for all eternity being separated from Him forever. We ALL deserve to go to Hell because of our sins. We can not pay that debt- no matter how rich, or how good, or how much we go to church.... But Jesus paid that price for us, but we have to accept His gift before we can enter into Heaven. We are invited to be His Bride-- but how can we be His bride if we reject Him? We surely can-not. Anyways.... my little cousin says he hates me, but i know the truth... he really hates Christ. If you really are a Christian, a child of God- then you would do what He says... LOVE! Love your neighbors, Love your enemies, Love everyone! Yeah, it is possible to Love someone but hate what they are doing. Just like a mother loves her child so much, but may hate what they do. Just because they hate what they do, does not mean they hate the person. I love my cousin dearly, just i hate the choices he makes {and the same goes for his brother and sister and mom}

I really do not know how I can help them. They want to live a "stress-free" life, yet they are surrounded in stress. More than if they really go to God with everything. I think they are just very jealous of how simple my siblings and I are... and how different we are than our dad. I know that they try to look for the bad in us, but it is not easy..Well, they only have one thing on me, but really- it's not on me because i admit it and have grown from it... other than someone else. I had a kid out of wedlock- i was trying to run from God and find love somewhere else... but honestly-- His Love is all that matters. I have done the HARDEST thing a mother could do... i gave my child up for adoption and gave God total control over the matter. And the result-- a great family, pictures each year, and a wonderful child who will grow up knowing i love him dearly. God continues to bless me...even when I don't deserve it at all. I mean, i've been to China, see my son at age 2, Disney World, Vegas, CA, MI, TX, GA, and another Alaskian town. But no matter where i go, He is always there with me. He directed me to come move to TX... and as i was giving Him control- He made me available to help with a dying man who does not know the Lord. So, even tho i am being eaten by flies- this is so worth it... to be able to witness to him with my action and with God's Words. I can only pray that he hears me and is listening.

 One of my cousin's little girl came to know the Lord as her Savior the other day. I am super excited about that. I have a new sister in Christ!! Praise the Lord! Amazing how He works in people's heart and at different ages too. My 2nd cousin is 5yrs old. I am indeed looking forward to hearing that my son had come to know the Lord also. Oh what a joyous day that'll be for me. So i can tell that my cousin is ecstatic about this. :D

A friend of mine posted on his FB that he has moved to Douglas Island. That was where i lived when i was in Alaska. {pic, my view}. I am super excited for him. I was always teased about living so far away... as someone told me- i lived in China.. but i loved living out there... surely with the view of Downtown Juneau, and the perfect spot to admire God's creation and wild life. So-- congrats to my friend for moving to where it is cooler {well, it is cooler in my opinion!}

I keep being asked if i am enjoying the heat here in TX... I honestly can say that i am. So far, it's been up to 107 degrees and i am stuck inside during such temperatures. But when i am able to get out, i love it. I love that it is sunny almost every day, and that you can see beauty all over the place. The beauty here is different than the beauty in AK-- but it is ALL God's creation that He made with Love for us. I mean, can you not see His Love within each Sunrise/set? or with each Rainbow He sends your way, or the blue skies along with rainy days? I just love Him dearly! I can not help but bring Him up a lot.

 I really do hope that i can go back to AK again. I really loved it there. I want to marry someone who would also love to move there and protect me from bears. Someone who loves to take pictures and do things outside. Someone who wouldn't mind the rain and the snow and the more rain. Someone who loves to cuddle and shower me with love in return. Someone who will encourage me to try new things and to know he is there with me. But mainly, someone who will challenge me and help me grow stronger in Christ. Someone who will tell me i am wrong or right and show me in the Bible- and pray with me and read with me. Someone who has and wants to be involved in church. Someone who is great with kids and willing to raise a few with me.

I love my little nephew. He is growing up so fast. He is already slowly starting to stand on his own. He is already climbing on things, and trying to get out of his swing. I am glad that i am sharing a room with him... Life is great! {pic- hanging out with his friend after he climb onto that bin}. haha.

Well.. i think i shall end it here. May you have a Blessed day that the Lord has given you!