Monday, August 27, 2012

 Aug 26 2012, I broke it off with my boyfriend of 4 years. I love him so much that i wanted what was best for him and i know that this is what was best for us. I am glad that he said that he still want to be friends, and i really hope we continue being friends. I know that if we were meant to be, then the Lord will work things out. But i know for a fact that i need to grow more in Christ and to let Stephen grow too. For now, i can be a friend and encourage him to grow too.

After doing the 2nd hardest thing in my life, a sweet reminder of the 1st hardest thing in my life came to my phone. A picture of my son! He had just gotten his hairs cut. Even without his curls, he looks ever so adorable. I just know that many girls will have a broken heart. I am indeed very blessed that i am his birthmom. I love his blue eyes, and his sweet smile. It was a great surprise and at the perfect time. It surely made my day much brighter.

I love my nephew, i really do.. but does he have to get up at 6-6:30 every day? I mean, it is okay to sleep in till 8 or 9. He is crawling everywhere, squeezing his way through things, walking along the couches, and singing more. He is getting big, but yet he is still in the 3% of height and weight.

My niece, also LOVES to be up super early. If i sneak out to use the restroom while my nephew is drinking his milk... she is right there wanting to get out of her room. So my choice is then- either tell her to go back in bed and have her wake up her other Aunt, or have to her out and drive me insane with her noisy self? So, i've been putting on a show for her to watch to keep her hush up, and feed her something for breakfast. She has gotten better since i've been down- but there are times when i just wanna tie her down. I am sure every kid is like that--- just not my son. jk! She is starting school, slowly. Homeschooled, and it seems like she is catching on to some things pretty well. Just getting her to see what she knows is hard because she keeps saying she can't do it. guess she needs to learn that she can indeed do it.

 While we were at a Disney store at a mall nearby, i saw this perfect princess dress that i want to make for myself for my future wedding that i hope i will have. I would love to have it look just like that and maybe add a wee-bit color {purple or pink} to it. I would love to get married to a great godly man. Someone who will challenge me with my walk with the Lord and encourage me. Someone who will do the will of God no matter what-- even if it's hard and hurts. Someone who even if they do mess up and did something stupid, will move forward and not go that way again. And i too need to be that woman who does the same.

 I am still looking for a job and hoping for one that will work out perfect.One that i can have fun and something i enjoy doing. Getting a job at Hobby Lobby, or a cleaning job, or another nanny job, or dishes in a restaurant would be amazing. I do have a babysitting job this week. I am super excited, and so it the little girl i will be watching. I am glad that they live nearby.

I will leave you with this...

Ps 37:24
"Though they stumble, they will never fall, for the Lord holds them by the hand."

I came across this quote from 's page... "God uses brokenness far more than He uses strength or talent. Talent makes you look good. Brokenness makes God look good.." That is ever so true.

I also came across another blog {which i happened to X out before i could save it}, that talked about how FB has taken up her time and how she missed writing letters with a penpal and listen to someone. It got me thinking- We are indeed often just "too busy" to listen to God or just want to tell our own story... when really, we should be wanting to listen to God's story and tell His story to others. His story is far more important than my own-- tho, my repentance and testimony is important to share too {a way to show how truly amazing He is}. I mean- He did came to pay our penalty that we could NEVER pay... He victoriously conquered death, and paid the price i deserve to pay. AND..... He loves me still.. Very awesome. I am glad i came across that, but sad that i didn't saved it.

God is just too awesome. 's last blog touched my heart. They talked about when Abraham went to give God his only son, Issac. This story hits close to home because of my son. I was willing to give him to God, to this family... and because i was willing to do that, i in return was blessed far more. It's not always easy doing the right thing, but it is worth it. I mean, i have a story to share to those that think abortion is the answer-- when really, there is adoption and LOVE! What was also very cool about this blog, is that it's from a woman's group. I miss my woman's group in AK! {Tho, they made mention that i should be their next retreat speaker! Now that would be scary yet amazing!}

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