To be honest- I am very heartbroken... I lost a dear friend {no he isn't dead- he just doesn't want to be friends anymore}. He told me that it was nothing i said or done, just that he changed alot of things and want to have a clean start in life. I can understand- but still hurts to lose a good friend. He was one of the few friends i felt very comfortable to talk about things- but i guess me being so open had scared him. He did told me one time that i was the only girl he has ever known to have been so open with him and that he felt like he wasn't much of a friend for not being so open with me. But what he didn't understand was that i just needed someone who was willing to listen. Yes i know that God is listening to me daily and does answer my prayers... i just also wanted a human being to talk to also. I know for a fact that freinds come and friends go- its just sad to let a good friend go. I shall miss talking with Eric, he had helped me see how much more encouraging it is to not only listen and read the Bible-but to tell someone what you got out of it at times. Not only is it encouraging to the one who is listening to you tell them, but it is encouraging to you.. and even more encouraging when they tell you something in return.

I am also heartbroken over another friend of mine..Hans. For the past month or so he stopped going to church, and then soon stopped talking to those who did went to church. I remember him telling me that he felt out of place there because the other college kids knew each other very well... So we would hang out together-but he soon stopped that. I guess i wasn't much of a friend to him in the end, i should've gone over to his room and ask him what was up.. but i didn't. He came to the Bible Study on Thursday last week {after hearing that i had went the week before}. He admitted that he was running from God and was missing home. So now i just pray that God would really work in his heart and convict him of different areas that would need to be changed so that he could have that speical walk with HIM. May he never forget the One who loved him 1st. Hans went home the next day- so i didn't have a chance to hang out with him and talk. I shall miss our lil chats in the car as we're going to Awanas, or the times we would hang out with peoplez.

Well... in the meantime- i am fallin in love with a great guy. I have been falling for him for a while now, and know that he is the one i want to be with. When i met him in person during Christmas time, i felt at peace about it all. Honestly, i haven't felt that peaceful around a guy. Now, i am ever so open with him and love being able to talk to him. I enjoy hearing stories of when he was in the Navy or some silly story that happened. Mainly, i love being able to read a few chapters in the Bible together. I miss hearing from him from time to time because he is very busy with class and work. But when we do talk, its like the stars sparkle more and a rainbow floats behind them. Stephen is so open with me, and i enjoy it loads. I am not just doing all the talking, and neither is he. Living in 2 different states sure is helping us get closer, because we are talking alot and not just focused on kissing or cuddling- tho that would be nice {i sure do love to cuddle}. I am indeed excited about seeing him again soon.

I do often think about Elijah {pic- thats him about 5 hours old}.. but i know that he is going to grow up being very happy. It's just amazing how the Lord worked everything out-- with my side..how I found the right family, and how Medicad ended up working {etc...}... and with their side..how they met me, and how people gave them all the items they would need for a new baby in the family {etc...}.

I had just recently started going to the church when i met them at the conference. Charity told me that she didn't want to come to AK during that time- but they couldn't afford to cancel the ticket. She didn't understand why she was even here until that Sunday morning after she talked with a friend of mine {whom she is very good friends with} telling her that they were wanting to adopt. Of course my friend knew i was looking for a Christian-God fearing family for my baby {who was only 3 months old at the time and was only a few days before i found out if i was having a boy or a girl.... which of course was a boy}. That is just part of this whole adoption that God was imvolved in.

If i could've, i would've kept him. In fact, when i had found out that i was pregnant- i was very determined to keep him..no matter what the cost would be. I would've sold everything i had, live in the streets if i had to in order to support him.. But God didn't want that.. I am able to keep my job here, and able to start fresh with my life. I am keeping myself pure from here on out untill i am married. I do miss having Elijah in my stomach, and even in my arms. I charished each moment i had with him, and only wished i could've spent more time with him as he was still in AK. I think Charity was very scared that i would change my mind about signing the consent forms-- but that wasn't likely at all. Seeing how God was in this and how everything went about- i couldn't change my mind. I love him loads, and am very blessed that i gave him his middle name {gave him a part of me for the rest of his life}. I will scrapbook all the pictures i get- and only wish it was alot of pics {but i am not convinced that there will be alot of pics, being that they told me that they barely take pics of their kids now}. But a few pics is better than none- so i am ever so grateful.