Wednesday, May 06, 2009

Yays for computer fun.. i took a few of my pictures i had on my computer and edited them... This will be great for scrapbooking- YAYS!!



My dearest Grandpa Scott. Kevin and Charity let me be able to give Elijah his middle name.. so i gave him Robert. My grandpa was a very godly man who was after God's own heart.

These pics were of him on his Wedding day- what a Handsome fellow he was. I never saw him with hair on top before- so he looks mega young to me. *grins*

Now- i look alot like my grandma.. but i am keeping off the wieght... i honestly don't want to be huge again {besides if i am pregnant- then it's not my faught}



Of course i did one up of Elijah.. Am going to do more of his, for i am making a scrapbook for myself of him... All the pictures i recieve as he is growing up will go into that along with the journal i am doing.
I just love being creative. After Nanny school, i am going to try to do some scrapbooks up for people around here.. They can just buy a book that they want me to do it in, and give me pictures that they want scrapbooked- and BAM!! they have a custom made- scrapbook. I never do anything the same- {besides the invites i made for my 1st b-day party ever...which was my 23rd}. For now, i am enjoying doing this scrapbook that i recently started {the one of Elijah}.
I've realized that giving up your 1st born is indeed the hardest thing ever, but what a joy it is to know that your 1st born is getting everything you can't give them. Well- for me its like that. It was indeed alot more easier for me to give Elijah over to this family {1. i know He will hear the Word of God.. and 2. i know the family is very caring}. God worked everything out and it's just amazing. Anyways- i also realized that the other side of Adoption can be hard too.. they have to do all the paper work, have people come over and watch them or whatnots, and then have to wait till a birthmother says that they want them to be the parent... Then have to wait to see if they don't change their minds at the last min... that must be pretty hard to endure. I am indeed pretty interested in hearing more about that side of adoption {tho, i am pretty sure i won't have to go through it}
I did try to let Charity and Kevin know that i will not change my mind, and that the birthdad was on board too... but i think in the end- when they were here, they were very scared... because i had 10 days to change my mind after signing my rights over... and they knew i loved Elijah alot {they could at least see it in my eyes when i looked at him}... and i think that is why they tried to stay away from me as much as possible! well, for surely the 1st week... boy that was a killer for me... giving birth to him and not see him till a week later... then to find out that my friends saw him over the week... I missed out on seeing their reactions {kinda like they wanted to take that joy away from me}.-- but thats done and over with.. I can't change anything that has happened when he was here... I am indeed ever so glad for the time i did have with him.. To be honest- my emotional side of things is getting better. Im sleeping more {on my stomach--YAYS!!}... well... eating has slowed down alot {enough that i can easily go a few days without eating before i get hungry enough to eat a smal meal}.. and its been over a week since i really cried {well, besides last night when i was remembering things--such as my friends seeing him}.. but it's all good. Maybe later on in life Charity and Kevin would like to be friends {but that might be after Elijah comes find me when he is older}
well.. thats whats been going on with me this week- besides working with the 2 kids...BOY O BOY.. Crazzie 2s and INSANE 4s... AHHHHHHHHHHH.. what can i say- Gotta love kids!! :D Well, i do love kids, and will have more kids after i get married someday... in a few years Lord Willing! *grins*

1 comment:

Ariane said...

I have enjoyed reading your story so much. Elijah is lucky to have you for a birth mom...someone who is so caring and loves him so much.
In answer to your questions: I met our birth mom two months before Dallin was born. We got to spend a lot of time together which I loved. She let me go to one doctor's appointment where I heard Dallin's heartbeat. That was so amazing to me since I never experienced that. Our birth mom would always say the "right things" about adoption, but all adoptive couples worry. We wanted a baby so badly and here was this young girl asking us to take her baby. We knew it would be very hard for her and there are always people pressuring birth moms to change their mind. So yes, we were scared, worried, and very emotional. Our hopes and dreams were in this girl’s hands. We had no control over the situation. That was hard for me, but it was also good because I learned to be humble and put my trust in God.

When we went to the hospital to meet Dallin on the day after he was born, we were very nervous. When I saw our birth mom with Dallin, it seemed unreal to me. Dallin was still her baby. She gave me permission to hold him and had us change his diaper. I could tell she loved him very much. It wasn't hard for me to see them together though. I still thought of Dallin as her baby. Our birth mom couldn’t sign the papers for 48 hours. Those were the longest 48 hours ever for us! I was an emotional wreck! She spent all her time with Dallin and had the caseworker taking pictures of the two of them together. I’m sure she cherishes those pictures.

The meeting we had where our birth mom gave Dallin to us was the most spiritual experience ever. Before we knew she had signed the papers, my husband and I sat in a room shaking. That was the hardest half hour waiting to see if it would really happen. We wanted a baby so badly and would have been devastated if she had changed her mind. Once we were brought into the room where our birth mom was, we were more worried about our birth mom then our son. She needed our support and we felt so much love for her. On the drive home, we continued to talk about what an amazing person our birth mom was to our son. Once we were home and started feeding and cuddling with Dallin, he finally felt like our baby.

We enjoy having an open adoption with our birth mom. I send her tons of pictures especially the first couple of weeks. I’m sure those are the hardest. In our minds, the more people who love Dallin the better.

Not getting this second baby has been hard, but I think God has a plan for all of us. I pray for this little baby every night and I know angels are watching over him. As I learned with our first adoption, if we put our trust in God, He will take care of us.

Good luck with continuing to find peace. You are an amazing person. God definitely has a special plan for you and Elijah.
Ariane