I wonder what it is that the Lord wants in my life. It seems like I am getting nowhere. I work hard, and study, but I get nowhere. In fact, I get to stay home. It's the gift that I recieved from the school. It wasn't my choice, but it's alright. My dad says that if my ACT scores had came in, and hadn't been stupid to go with Jasper my 1st year of college, then I would be on the president's list. HA!! That's a joke, because I am not that smart. My brain has to be the size of a Mustard Seed. I thought I was doing very well, and I was even working very hard on staying in school. Guess I was too much of a hard worker that they didn't want me to come back for a semester. O-wells.. they can't keep me away too long . I shall return, and ready to take on anything. Well, I might've had to stay out a semster anyways.. It is what I like to call, Being poor. O-wells.. Today was the 1st time we were able to get food in the house. It's been 2 weeks now. 2 weeks without much food, been living off of Easy Mac, and cerele {well, whats left of it}. Now we have meat, and more meat.. Stuff to make things. All I need is baking powder, then I can start making things myself. . I think that is just proff of how much money we have.

I have been putting Aps. in all different places. Places I can walk to, but noone is calling me.. O-wells.. My dad is going to try to get me to work with him in the factory. I'll start with a pay of $9 an hour. That is $3 more an hour than I am use to of. Hope I can get it, I am a hard worker and love to be on the move. {Henceforth I love working in the dishpit.}

One thing I've learned this past week is that, Ya don't have to be in a hurry. I don't have to sit here and wish I was smart and had money so i wouldn't have to worry about not having food, or wish I was a somebody and not a nobody. I am who I am, and I am a child of God. The hardest thing anyone can do when they have nothing to give, is to give it ALL to the Lord. Giving Him your whole Life, All the money one can earn {a few pennys}. Just giving Him everything is hard, but once it is ALL given to Him, your life is changed for the better. No worries, no fears, no regrets. It's a Blessing, and you receive blessings from left and right. One blessings I've received this past week is getting to know my grandpa better. All my life I only known of him from my dad. My dad, My Uncle {Grandpa's brother}, and my Grandpa fighting about this or that. But now he has changed a bit, and is now wanting to spend some time with us kids.

French songs are nifty. Never thought it would be,but it is. sad thing is, I have no idea what they are saying. Maybe that is why it is nifty. So I can sing french now.. "Tout l'or des hommes Ne vaut plus rien Si tu es loin de moi Tout l'amour du monde Ne me fait rien" "All the men's gold Isn't worth anything anymore If you are far from me All the love in the world Doesn't do anything to me" No matter what we can recieve on earth, it doens't worth anything to what we can receive in Heaven. If we are far from God, then all the love we can recieve on earth doesn't add up to what God's love is. It's amazing to know that God loves me.. I think this is a hard thing to commprehend..Because it is hard to see how much He loves us, even tho it is just so mega loads.

So ya see, I am smart.. just not Books Smart like many people I know. O-wells... Good for them!!