Ever went for a little walk but it felt like it took forever just to get from one end of the block to the next? Today, I went off to church. The service was wonderful and great. It had touched me and enouraged me to keep going {almost as if they read my mind}. Then it was time to go home. So i asked a few people for a rise home- but they all said no in different ways. No! I have someone waiting for me! I don't have time! So, the only way home was to walk. No biggie- i've done it many times. I am only being a bother to people, so i simply just leave them alone and just leave. So thats what i did, i left. I walked home- which is 10 mins in a car and 1 1/2 hours on feet. It was raining, and there was loads of puddles. My back ached- because i was holding my Bible under my soaking-wet coat, and my hips ach- because i am not use to of walking that long {but my feet didn't hurt because i am use to of being on my feet for hours and hours}. But as i was walking home, i realized how much people say things but really just don't care. Like i know my dad wouldn't care at all if he knew i walked home. Why? well, no guy would ever pick me up. Whys that? Well, because i am fat and not beautiful. So, no guy would want to pick me up... and because i won't let him.

When i got home, Kaytie asked me who dropped me off, and i told her NoOne. But she didn't understand- and i didn't care. I just wanted to get out of my wet clothes and put clean, dry clothes on and get warm. Then dad asked Kaytie and I to go to the store- but i told them that i didn't want to go, so Kaytie went. I was glad that dad didn't make me go with her.

The whole time i was walking tho, i was thinking about what Josh and Dave preached on. I had read Ps 139 earlier today and here he was preaching on it, and here Dave was preaching on keep going- it was like they were reading my mind. I do feel like giving up- but after being good friends with Esther, my mind changed a bit.. and now i just don't want to quit. Avril Lavgine sings a song called "Keep holding on"- it's for the new movie thats out - Eragon.

"You're not alonetogether we stand i'll be by your side you know i'll take your hand when it gets cold and it feels like the end theres no place to go you know i wont give in no i wont give in.

Chorus : Keep holding on 'cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through just stay strong cause you know i'm here for you, i'm here for you theres nothing you can say, nothing you can do theres no other way when it comes to the truth so keep holding on cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through.

So far away i wish you were here before it's too late this could all disapear before the doors close, this comes to an end but with you by my side i will fight and defend i'll fight and defend yeah yeah.

Hear me when i say, when i say i believe nothings gonna change, nothings gonna change destiny what ever is meant to be will work out perfectly yeah yeah yeah yeah lalalalalalala..."

What a crazzie older brother i have. wearing a neckless i made for a friend, and then off reading the paper just for the fun of it. CRAZZIE i tell you. But a great brother he is.

Christmas day! What a bless it was. Kaytie and I ended up getting up at 9 am and was watching a Christmas movie with mom. Then when the movie was over- Kaytie woked the guys up. After 1/2 hour of waiting for dad to get done being mad over something stupid- we started opening the gifts. Jayme was first- and guess who loved him so much to give him a "Happy Birthday Sister" card?? Yeah, it was me. Greg is sitting there laughing, and Jayme is trying to fingure out who on earth would do that- yeah, it was still me. You would never guess what was in the gift- It was a box of Tissue!! YEAHHHHH.. As you can see here, Jayme is playing with the tissues as the twins are opening their gift. Yeah, lots of love and lots of fun goes on here at my house on Christmas day.

Kaytie is really into Japanesse things, so Mom and Dad got her two photo frame with Japanesse wordings. Pretty sweet ah? I think so. As you can see, she doesn't like it at all. OKies, that is a lie- but if she didn't like it, then I would've just tooken it from her. It's pretty nifty.

Okies, I got Jayme this AWESOME gift- you want to know what it is? Well, you can see that he is wearing it on his head- a BOX. Inside the box it was nothing at all. Oh- boy, that was a blast. He was kinda shocked at first, but then knew it was from me.

OKies, so why am i showing you a picture of Jayme with money??!!?? Well, after we were done opening out gifts, Mom gave us each an evelope with money and a little toy inside it. But Jayme didn't know that there was money inside it- so he rip open the evelope. LOL, and well, the rest is history. What a great brother i have. I am very blessed that he was able to come home for a few days. He leaved to go back on Wednesday. Tomorrow morning {or well, later this morning- depending on when you want to say what day it is, even tho it is still Monday to me} All us kids are gonna go for a walk- just for the fun of it. I can't wait.

What a mess we made when we were done. But before we clean the mess- we always throw the paper at each other. Why? I don't know- it's just loads of fun. I wish i knew how to put my Vidoes on here that would also play the sounds too- but o-wells. Making a mess can be loads of fun- for surely when you can't even see the ground. But it is all cleaned up now- so no worries. After opening gifts, We went off to my grandma's house. My cousin Juan was there. He moved down to Florida, and was up visiting for the week. So Jayme and him talked and talk and talked. My cousin Maria came over also with her baby boy- and what a blessing it was to see him- he is growing up so fast.

Here he is playing with a truck and wrapping paper. He is learning to crawl and is slowly able to stand on his own. He is just a little over a year old- what a cutie he is. Sorry the pictures are not all that great. I forgot to bring my camera with me, and so i used my phone camera. But he still is a cutie!! Jayme let me drove home- okies, at first he wasn't going to let me, but since i was already in the driver's seat and he fround out that i had my permint with me- he letted me. He thought that i was going to be a bad driver- but it turned out that i am not that bad. I only started a bit too fast- but i really wasn't used to of his gas peddel- a bit harder than driveing the big red van of ours. O-wells. It was a blast. We came back and watched a game of Deal-or-No-Deal then the next one which was 1-vs-100. pretty good i thought.. Than we played a few board games and then watched some funnie videos on the computer and played a game where we try to kill each other with a bow-n-arrow. It was fun.

I feel like i am going the wrong way in life. I don't know why- but i am. I feel like where i am heading toward life is a place where i shouldn't be. I feel like i am not being the woman God wants me to be {or the person He wants me to be}. I feel like i am alone and there is no way out. I feel like there just isn't anything to say or write that will help me. i feel like i never got out of something that just keeps pulling on me. I feel like there just isn't way out- only a way in. But i am also feeling very confused {about life, about things, about myself, about guys}

I want to help others- but how can i help others if i can't even help myself? I can't even face my own problems- I thought i could, but i can't. There just is so much about me that noone knows- not even Joy or my best friend. I started telling some things to my 1st boyfriend- but, well- things just didn't turned out to be for the best. I feel like i am dead deep down inside. I really can't see what people see in me.{ even when i look in the mirror for a while- just looking deep into my own eyes} Sure i can be sweet, silly, and nice- but i am not even sure if that is just an act or if thats just who i am. I know why i don't tell people things about myself- because i don't want them to have pity on me and be my friend just because they feel sorry for me {which i believe that is the only relationship i've gotten from a few certian people}. I say things that comes to my mind- and it usually just kicks me back very hard.

Now, don't go wondering what i am hiding from people- because i shall not tell. You really don't have anything to worry about, because it is nothing big- just things i don't want everyone to know. I guess i even try to keep it from God at times, but i know that He knows these things and knows what the outsome was and will be..etc..

At times i feel very blessed and other times i feel like i wish i would've done it when i had the change {but i don't have that anymore}. I have the past and the future. But i am not even sure where my future is leading me. I am not even sure if God wants me at MBBC. It seems like i am not suppose to be there. Maybe that is why my GPA wasn't able to get up to 2.0 {I passed all my classes and still couldn't make it work}. I can study for hours for a test and still get an F on it- but do very well on homeworks. I can work for hours and still have nothing- but gain a new person to know~even if i don't want to knoe that person, i do now.}

I know people- but it is hard to let them know me. Why? well, because i don't even know me. At times i wish i can tell people what is going on in my head- but i know that if i did, then things will just be a mess. I mean, i dated someone that i knew i shouldn't have. { but that is another story}.. but i thought i could trust someone, and when i started opening up to him, he kept pushing me aside. It was like he didn't want anything to do with me {kinda like something i see all the time here at home.} I can't tell my siblings- it'll just be awkward for me, although it might make it easier because they would know 97% of the things i am facing in life now. But i want a friend, someone i can trust. Jolene and I are good friends, but she usually has many things on her mind that i don't want to add anything else to it. I already feel like i am pulling her down than i am pushing her up the ladder- or stairs- or whatever.

This is what i already know about myself- but i am still searching {for God, for who I am, for what my life is meant to be- seeing how i am still here and not dead.} I am a girl who is searching but seems to can't find it {even if it is in front of me}, I get caught up in things and forget things. I am someone who likes to help people- even if it means giving up something i like or my time or money {that i might have}. - I guess you can say that i like to please people. I like seeing smiles- because it helps me to forget about being sad {just for a few seconds}. I am a very good actor. {oh boy can i act..}. I am someone who longs to be with someone to help them and support them. I am someone who loves certian things but never really stick around to it for long. I get hurt very easily and take things personally {even if it seems like i don't- but that is part of the acting thing.} I think i am good at something but find out that i am not. I long to be skinny and tall- but know that there is nothing i can do to get either one. {to be skinning i have to stop eating, and to be tall i have to wear high heals that are about 4 inches tall.} I am bad at studying- but can when i put my mind to it. I love to be around people- but tend to be alone all the time {even if i wasn't alone}. I wish to be friends with some people but would never do what they do {because i don't have the money or because they are someone i don't want turn out to be.} I hate crying in front of people- but never cry when i am alone. {it took me about a year before i ended up shedding some tears because grandma died.} I am slow and wish to be a kid again {or to live another life or a new life}

But i know that there is something there that i am missing- and i want to know what it is, just i seem to keep myself in this stage where i am depressed and longing to be different but not knowing how to be different. i guess part of me just wants to be loved by a certian someone {not sure who that may be} and know that i can help him. But the other part of me is holding back- i am not even sure what i am holding back. The first guy i ever liked- i asked him for a dance {because we were at a dance}, but he turned me down. Then i started liking this one guy- but he moved. Somehow i started likeing another guy {too good for me}, but i wrote him a letter and gave him a cd {now that i think about it- it probably was a stupid cd}- but he didn't want to even be friends with me. So of course i showed others how stupid i was and said yes to the first guy to ask me out {who ended up breaking up with me 3 times and i went back with him} But i ended up thinking about things and wonder where i was going with it- so i ended it {for more than one reason}. Now i like someone who could care less about me- but is nice enough to talk to me at times. Somehow- there is this other guy who is trying to get to my heart, but i am not sure! i just don't know!

I am 21 years old. I had my 21st and all i did was just let it go by. i just didn't care for the fact that i am 21. But today Joe was talking about how he was feeling really old because his niece is now 21 also. {finding out that i am only 20 days older than she is}. When i was younger, i thought it was awesome how i was always the oldest but the shortest in the youth group- but now, it's just strange to think that i am older. All those years i wonder how old does one really become an adult, and what a makes a young lady become a woman. To tell you the truth, i still don't know the answer. Legally i am an adult- but deep down i don't feel like i am an adult yet. I am still learning, and still slowly starting to get out there on my own. It's a scarey world out there, and to go out there on my own is just scarey.

Today's show on Everwood was talking about picking out a college to apply for. I never really had a hard time with that one- but then i never really had my parents try to force me to go into a certian college just because they went there- or whatnots. It's a blessing to know that my parents were willing to be happy to whatever college i picked. When i was kicked out for a semester- i was really starting to think that maybe that i am not meant to go to mbbc, but after thinking about it the other day- i believe that Godwants me to grow more in Him before i go back to the school-life. I do miss school, but i also do miss spending one-on-one time with my mom. I miss being able to talk to her, or just watch a movie together. But what i had missed the most about spending tiem with my mom, is the fact that she is never in a hurry to get to one place or the next. Looking for something silly to show each other, or see what we can find to give to someone else. These past few days has been a blessing for me. Mom and I went shopping- not for ourself {although i did find a few awesome things}, but mainly for others. It was just so awesome to be able to get things for those i care about- although i didn't really find anything for the twins or kaytie or jayme or dad or mom even. I don't know what to get them for Christmas. But i got my older sister something {sorry, can't tell- she reads this}.. but all i can tell is that she'll love it. and no, it's not money.

Anyways.... When i was at school last year, i saw this one book all over the dorm. many of the girls was reading it, or was done reading it- but i ended up reading the back of it one time and thought it would be an awesome book to read one day. So, when mom and I was out the other day, i saw it and just had to get it. So i am reading it- it is called Captivating. It's about what a woman's role in life is. I am still one chapter one- but i love it. It starts off with her telling a story about a trip her family did and how she was needed to help out. Later one in the chapter she goes on telling why she often thought about that story-- because she was needed. Woman wants to be needed, and be loved. To tell you the truth, that is the truth- we as ladies or woman and girls, we want to be needed. We want to be the one who people go to for help or for advise. I know i feel better about myself when i am able to help someone out with a problem or with something they are doing. Just like a hug- people love to get huged because when they get one they feel loved. A hug can mean so many things, can be a word that isn't said or a way of letting them know that you are their for them or that ya understand.

As i was reading this book, it got me thinking.. The woman in the Bible {like Ruth, Mary, Esther, etc..} had their hearts after God. In church, and the world- they tell us that a woman is to serve the man. I agree, but shouldn't a woman also be served too also? I mean, Eve wasn't the only one who sined- Adam did too.. He could've not eaten of the fruit that Eve ate, but he did anyways- knowing that it was the fruit that God said not to eat of. I dunnos, maybe i am just thinking wrongly or something. If so, let me know. I am okie with you telling me that my thinking it wrong- just it might take me a while to get it to my head. { Like the Jasper thing.. took me a year to figure it out- and it had to take a roomie that hated me to get it to my head.} Anyways, what is your opionion about this?


One more thing that i got for myself, Celine Dion's cd. It is her greatest French songs. Outside of "Christian" music, I love listening to Celine Dion. Why? Because there was one song that got me thinking about life. After I was close to killing myself, and after talking to my SS teacher- there was a song on the radio that got to my attention. "Thats the way it is." talking about no matter what your going through- don't stop but keep going.

Here is the first verse the and chorus. "I can read your mind and I know your story and I see what you're going through yeah It's an uphill climb, and I'm feeling sorry But I know it will come to you yeah So don't surrender 'cause you can win In this thing called love When you want it the most there's no easy way out When you're ready to go and your heart's left in doubt Don't give up on your faith Love comes to those who believe it And that's the way it is. When you question me for a simple answerI don't know what to say, no But it's plain to see, if we stick together You're gonna find the way, yeah So don't surrender 'cause you can win In this thing called love Chorus: When you want it the most there's no easy way out When you're ready to go and your heart's left in doubt Don't give up on your faith Love comes to those who believe it And that's the way it is(That's the way it is)"

Anyways, after hearing that song- i was hooked on her other songs {even tho it is mainly about love and what-nots} but there are a few songs of hers that are up-lifting. It is beaty, but she doesn't swear in her songs at all. She doesn't drink, or smoke. She is catholic- but that is better than being Hindu or something. At least she is hearing some of the Gospel...besides, i am sure there are many Catholics who are Born-Again. It really isn't up to us to deside if they are going to Heaven or not, it is between them and God. Anyways, So i have to her greatest hits of french songs {which it pretty hard to get her french cds here in usa-or maybe just for me}. Granted, she married an old guy, other than that- I like her.

But who is my favorite singer of all time? my family would say that it would be Celine Dion. But much to their surprise- it is Christ Galkin. I fell in love with her singing and playing when i first heard the Steve Pettit's team during my 1st year of summer camp at Northland. What a blessing it has been over the years, for surely last year. Last year- i was able to work at the camp, and was able to babysit her kids and another family kids {who i love to death- the mom is the othe rgirl playing the violin} I was able to get to know her a bit more, and she called me by my name. why would that be a shocker? well, i dunnos, it just is {guess it is the being hard on self thing.} But she has a great attitude toward things, has a great smile, and is super on fire for God. She really has been a blessing to me. Last year at school, she came for a visit. I didn't know anything of it until i ran into her in the lobby. She was all in smiles and gave me a huge hug {so did William- her son, age 4}. I do miss summer camp and would love to work there again. I worked in the kitchen and had a blast. I was able to babysit because my roomie's job was to babysit all the time. So i talked her into mentioning me so she can get a small break- or if she is already babysitting one i can go to the other. Boy, these woman with kids were alwyas busy with something. If i wasn't in the kitchen or working with the kids, i would be hanging out with as many teens as i can. I made a few good friends- in which i try to keep in contact, but i am pretty bad at replying back at times {Sorry Mamie- but there is a letter on the way now, i promise!!}.

Okies, so that was my summer before this past summer. This coming summer i will be working. What a blessing it is that i still have the job, and i am getting $1 more than when i started. Praise the Lord. So far, i have been able to save most of it, only spend it on things like food to stay alive, things for others {presents}, a few things for myself, and for Tithes. But this summer i will make it a good one. Why? well because i shall never have a 21st Summer ever again. I can have a 22nd summer or a 121st summer, but never a 21st. Just like i will never have a 1st summer or a 7th summer again. But that is alright. What a blessing it will be when i am able to go back to mbbc and see my friends again. Sam and the lil thing she found. I think we ended up naming it curtis.. i can't remember- we were all silly that day, for surely John- but he is ALWAYS silly- okies, maybe not always, but 95% of the time. I mean, who else will do prank calls and post them on their blog? Noone else but John. But what a great friend he is, and a great boyfriend for Sam {maybe a great hubby for Sam someday.}

Anyways, for those who read this, and read it to this point, Keep on smiling!! The day or night hasn't ended yet. peace out for now!! Oh and Joy! Kaytie tried to re-make my voice thingy on my phone- but can't figure it out.. so ya stuck listening to the same Ol' thing when ya get my voice message.. sorrys.. anyways. loving ya loads and missing you too Joy {my favorite older sister- well, maybe Jayme can be my fav. older sis another day....jk}

LOVE

It is funny how we think love is supposed to be one way

It is funny how we think that we can feel love

It is funny how one feels badly if one does not say it back

It is funny how we say it and do not mean it

Love is not supposed to be one way

Love is not a feeling, God is Love

Love is not something we have to say

Love is what we should have for others

I love you in many different ways

I love you and i do not feel it, I know so

I love you and i do not feel badly about saying so

I love you and I mean it

I love you!
-Written on Dec-9-06

I love you for being you, I love you for who you are, I love you for what you have been, I love you for what you are now, I love you for what you will be, and I love you for you.

It's funnie how we say we love someone, but don't even show it. It' s funnie how we can pretend to love someone but talk about them behind their back. It's funnie how we can't love someone for who they are. They can not be someone they are not- no matter how hard they'll try. It's funnie how we love things more than we love someone. It's funnie how we love to be love- but don't get much of it.

But the greatest blessing we could have, is the Love of Christ. He gave up His life for our sins, and we don't show any of it back. We pretend, and act like we do around those that does. But when we do that, it is just mega hard to really show it when we are on our own. Love is like a puzzle- we need to put it together.. We can only love someone one piece at a time, in the end there is a heart. Too bad, we are all still working on that puzzle for Christ. Noone can Love Him like He loves us. Sorry to tell you that- but it doesn't matter who you are or how much love you do have for Christ now. You still need to work on it, and I know I need to work on it too. Boy do I need to work on that puzzle.

Ever needed a hug but never got it? Maybe you didn't need one but got one!?!. Well, today Esther came up to me and huged me. She told me that i looked like i needed a hug. I was shocked! Why? Well, because i usually don't get huged. Only people who hug me are my mom, my sister, my brother, my friend Jolene {if i haven't seen her in ages} and my friend Ruthanna {whenever i want one}. So, for my to have gotten a hug from someone else, it was a real shocker to me- but a blessing at the same time.

For those who knows me, know that i am a hugable person- but i don't force a hug out of people. If they wanna hug, i always have open arms. I guess, i am just so use to of not being huged that it just doesn't bother me if i don't get any hugs- even during a hard time. But i know that even though i don't have anyone hugging me when i need one- I have God's special hugs.

Granted, there was one time i needed a hug, i went looking for someone who i knew that wouldn't mind giving me a hug. My old PC..Katy S... What a blessing it was. Hugs are a blessing! From a family member, or from a dear friend. But mainly, it is a huge blessing to receive so many hugs from God.

Okies, these past few days it has been mega mega cold outside, but i know it shall be getting colder soon because it is winter and this is Michigan! But i never heard the expression of "Cold as Hell" before. Someone at work was saying that, and it got a few of us thinking.. How could it be cold as Hell if Hell is a hot place!?! Humm.. Then it hit me, It may be mega Hot in Hell, but i am sure the "hearts" of those that are there are cold.. too cold that it fell out- so now they have no hearts and no life. ROFLOL!

Anyways, I love snow- just not the coldness that comes with it. It snowed the other day- but not enough to have stayed or enough to have stick to the ground. Snow is very beautiful when it first comes down and before people walked over it. I love how it glitters and shine. It's like it's reminding us that our sinful hearts are washed away and are cleaned out- but we step in it and mess it up- but a new snow fall comes and it is cleaned out again. We have to keep asking for forgiveness- once we stop asking, we fall further and further. We also have to keep forgiving others. People do stupid things, and they may keep doing so over and over and over. But you have to keep forgiving them- even tho you don't want to. If you keep forgiving, then you can stop hating them and love them. This i know for a fact. I have had so much bitter and hate against my dad for many years- but once i kept forgiving him, the more i started to not hate him anymore. Granted, i dont' like what he is doing or understand why he keeps doing it if he knows it's not right. He is my dad no matter what -even if i don't claim him to be my dad, he still is my dad. Confussing i know- but thats life.

I guess that is why i enjoy hugs so much- because it lets me know that there are people who love me--for me. But what a better way to let someone know you love them, as a friend or as a loved one or as someone you care for, than a hug? You need a hug? You want a hug? You wanna give a hug? Well, if i am around, you can always hug me. you can hug me because you love me, because you care for me, because i am your friend, because i am your sister, because i am there, because i am always open, or because you feel like it.

Ever wish ya crazzie life can be normal? Or maybe wish ya normal life could be crazzie? Well, never fear- ya normal or crazzie life can be changed around--just do what your not doing. jk. Anyways, Life is just plan out crazzie, maybe life is just too crazzie that it is just too normal to be crazzie but yet to crazzie to be normal. Am i conffusing you? Hope so- because i like to do that to people at time. Just a Crazzie life being oneself! You ever just want to go crazzie just for the fun of it? Well, not doing anything bad- but just beign crazzie!!

Almost like Jolene and I being crazzie! We try to pull each other socks off- just for the fun of it. We don't make it easy on each other, and we always push each other just to get to their feet.. GERAT TIMES!! TPing Laura's car {Gould Dorm Sup- during our Freshmen year}, that was a blast. We weren't allowed to use the school's supply of TP, so I got some and we just went crazzie TPing her car as she was in the Dorm getting ready for church. Jolene and I went off to eat, as we were leaving the Dinning Hall- Laura was in line to go in. She knew I had something to do with it- just she didn't know Jolene was the other person who helped... boy what a blast that was .. I have pictures {just i need to get the film delevope.} Then, last year we went crazzie in Heather's room {Gould Dorm Sup during our Sophomore year--last year.} We threw pixie sticks all over the place- because Heather said she gets high off of those sugar candy- we cut out paper in footprints and tape it as if someone walked up the door, on the ceiling, and down the other door.. then we tape up strings all over the room- to the point where she would have to crawl to get into the room. Man, i just can't wait to do something crazzie to the Gould Dorm sup during my Jr year {Jolene's Sinor Year}. She told me a bit of what she was planing on doing for Dory {the Gould Dorm Sup this year}.. Seems like we just keep getting new Dorm Sups each year, and the other Dorms mainly stay the same- crazzie ah? I really got along with Laura- she was into Scrapbooking too, and was willing to talk to me {even after my night job.}. I also got along with Heather- she was willing to help me out with something. She too was willing to talk to me after my night job- but i didn't really do that too much because she was either sleeping or was already talking to someone. I am the type of person that don't like to interupt people as they are talking {unless i have to}, and so i will stand there quietly until they notice me standing there.

Okie, so you are reading this, and wonder why on earth am i writing this post when i wrote a long one yesterday, well you tell you the truth, I just need to talk- but i have noone to talk to right now. everyone is either sleeping, sleeping, or sleeping. So i am just writing on here. Sometimes i just need to talk- even if it's nothing special. That is why, when i was in Middle-school, I got into chatrooms. In Highschool i got into scrapbooking, writing letters to Penpals from different countries or states. I was the type of person that didn't have many friends. I had my school friends {that i saw at school}, and my one Church friend {who ended up moving}- sure i found people to talk to, but they didn't really want to be around me much {i am use to of that really}.

Ever get tired of people complaining? Ever heard of someone complain about those that complain? Well, now you are! I hate listining to people complain about this or that. "I work too much doing...this....that...this...that.. more this...more that.......", "1st shift don't do anything.......", "Steve this..Steve that...", etc....... Why can't we just get along and work as a team- and just not complain about it? Wowsie.. stupid i say.. STUPID!!!

It is going to be okie, because we are all the same in some ways.. Like we are all nerds in someway.. one is too smart, one is too wise, one is too good, etc..... there is something- but what is it? well, it'll come out someway. okies, i am just being silly now. well... i should get off and go to bed or something. Have a great day, night, evening!

Ever have one of those days that you wish ya had your camera with you? Or maybe you have your camera with you- just ya wasn't able to have it out at the right time? Or maybe ya wish ya could use a Camera to take pictures of what is in ya head {like a picture of a memorie.}

Today as i was watching my show "Everwood", I saw something that made me think. What could it be?? or so you may wonder! It wasn't the people, or what they said or did, it wasn't a house, or anything ya see normally {in a city}.. But what i saw got me thinking about how much we take for granted. A friend of mine and I was talking about it last week- and what a blessing it is. What is it--so you are thinking to yourself right now--? Well, It is the Mountians. I saw the Mountians in the background. Usually, I see them in the background- but just never really thought much about it. But today as i saw them in the background- I thought about how much we take things for granted. God gave us so many beautiful things to enjoy- but we just walk on by as if it'll always be there. But It won't always be there, because Christ is coming and will destroy this Earth {but will make a new Earth}. But what an awesome picture to have seen in the background- Mountians, and green grass then the city area. It was so beautiful. It's almost like the Sunset and the Sunrise. Almost like the time we are able to spend with each other.

These past few weeks I've been able to get along with one of my co-workers. She started on days, but is now on nights with me. What a blessing it has been. She is on fire for God, and loves talking about the Bible and how great God is. She is a single mom with 5 kids {3 girls and 2 boys}. She always has a great attitude and love to laugh. Where am i going with this? Well, i can tell you. There for a long while i was on the verge to just stopping- i didn't really have any hope left in me, and i was at the point to where i just didn't want to go to church. {Scarey ah?}. But, now i see what i will be missing out if i do quiet. I'd be missing out on being that happy girl who has a life going for her. But mainly, i'll be missing out on having that One relationship that means much more than anything else {mean much more than my own life}.

Why was i going to give all that up for? Well, i never really saw how beautiful it was, and i never really had anyone who would want to be there for me as much as i want to be there for others. Also because I just never really had a strong relationship with that One that does matter. I saw other people who had that One relationship- but never really saw anything in it that i wanted. {people saying one thing but does another- people act like they are something but are not- people who look down on others but really are being looked down on themselves..etc..}.

What i don't understand {and maybe never will understand}, We know that God is who we should be looking towards- and if we are.. then why does someone who also is looking towards God will look down on one who is too looking towards God..!!..!!.. The only answer i can come up with is... People are stupid! People do stupid things, say stupid things, think stupid things, act stupid.. just are plan out STUPID!! I know i am Stupid- but why can't others say that too? They are just too "important"!!

Okies.. sorry for my ranting there!! I am ready for some action... what? I dunnos. I know this guy who was a believer of God- but isn't anymore {fully}- he complains about anything and everything and now wonders what life is about. I wish i can help him, but i can't. just being that friend isn't really helping much either- because he wants nothing to do with God {knowing that i still believe in God- but not knowing i was on the verge of quieting.}. I don't know what to do. I know i should know what to do {seeing how i want to be that person who helps people with their problems}- but i don't know how i can put myself in his shoes if he isn't going to let me try them on.

Lately, i've been watching this new show called "Heroes". I saw one show one time and just wasn't into it at all.. but my sister just kept talking about it-- so i watched it one time, and got into it -because i understood it a bit more. What is it about? Well, first off- it's not something that'll happen in real life- i know that! It's about these few people who has "special" powers- and somehow they all are needed to get together to stop what will be very deadly to the world!! {or something like that.}.. So they are slowly meeting each other {not knowing or kinda knowing}.

Anyways, I sometimes wonder if i could have a "special" power- what would i want!!?!!.. well, i would love to have two. One: read people's thought whenever i want {turn it on or just turn it off to where i can't hear anyone's thought but my own}. Two: stop time {just long enough to where i can just leave a room without anyone seeing me leaving} Almost like the invisablity- but i wouldn't want to be invisable {I already know what that is like.} Well, anyways- i should stop here. Have a great day- or night!!

Awws, don't i look so pretty? Yes, that is really me- sweet but troublesome. Yesterday at work, I was able to go to Crysler's plant for a few hours. {wish it was longer- but thats alright}. Then when i was back at work, i checked a different part {which took me forever on end to finish}.. but as i was working on those parts, Mikie came up to me and scared me- because i was lost in thought and wasn't paying attention..i saw a dirty glove laying around. so i wraped it up and threw it at Mikie {who was just a little off a ways..} it scared him just a bit.. so he threw it back at me {how he was able to hit me, i dunnos- because i was behind a bin that was lifted up high} .. It was just great fun..... well, that is my day.. How is your day going? Today is FRIDAY.. YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.. still not sure if i have to work tomorrow or not.. if we work 10 we don't, but if we're working 8 then he do.. crazzie--