I am 21 years old. I had my 21st and all i did was just let it go by. i just didn't care for the fact that i am 21. But today Joe was talking about how he was feeling really old because his niece is now 21 also. {finding out that i am only 20 days older than she is}. When i was younger, i thought it was awesome how i was always the oldest but the shortest in the youth group- but now, it's just strange to think that i am older. All those years i wonder how old does one really become an adult, and what a makes a young lady become a woman. To tell you the truth, i still don't know the answer. Legally i am an adult- but deep down i don't feel like i am an adult yet. I am still learning, and still slowly starting to get out there on my own. It's a scarey world out there, and to go out there on my own is just scarey.

Today's show on Everwood was talking about picking out a college to apply for. I never really had a hard time with that one- but then i never really had my parents try to force me to go into a certian college just because they went there- or whatnots. It's a blessing to know that my parents were willing to be happy to whatever college i picked. When i was kicked out for a semester- i was really starting to think that maybe that i am not meant to go to mbbc, but after thinking about it the other day- i believe that Godwants me to grow more in Him before i go back to the school-life. I do miss school, but i also do miss spending one-on-one time with my mom. I miss being able to talk to her, or just watch a movie together. But what i had missed the most about spending tiem with my mom, is the fact that she is never in a hurry to get to one place or the next. Looking for something silly to show each other, or see what we can find to give to someone else. These past few days has been a blessing for me. Mom and I went shopping- not for ourself {although i did find a few awesome things}, but mainly for others. It was just so awesome to be able to get things for those i care about- although i didn't really find anything for the twins or kaytie or jayme or dad or mom even. I don't know what to get them for Christmas. But i got my older sister something {sorry, can't tell- she reads this}.. but all i can tell is that she'll love it. and no, it's not money.

Anyways.... When i was at school last year, i saw this one book all over the dorm. many of the girls was reading it, or was done reading it- but i ended up reading the back of it one time and thought it would be an awesome book to read one day. So, when mom and I was out the other day, i saw it and just had to get it. So i am reading it- it is called Captivating. It's about what a woman's role in life is. I am still one chapter one- but i love it. It starts off with her telling a story about a trip her family did and how she was needed to help out. Later one in the chapter she goes on telling why she often thought about that story-- because she was needed. Woman wants to be needed, and be loved. To tell you the truth, that is the truth- we as ladies or woman and girls, we want to be needed. We want to be the one who people go to for help or for advise. I know i feel better about myself when i am able to help someone out with a problem or with something they are doing. Just like a hug- people love to get huged because when they get one they feel loved. A hug can mean so many things, can be a word that isn't said or a way of letting them know that you are their for them or that ya understand.

As i was reading this book, it got me thinking.. The woman in the Bible {like Ruth, Mary, Esther, etc..} had their hearts after God. In church, and the world- they tell us that a woman is to serve the man. I agree, but shouldn't a woman also be served too also? I mean, Eve wasn't the only one who sined- Adam did too.. He could've not eaten of the fruit that Eve ate, but he did anyways- knowing that it was the fruit that God said not to eat of. I dunnos, maybe i am just thinking wrongly or something. If so, let me know. I am okie with you telling me that my thinking it wrong- just it might take me a while to get it to my head. { Like the Jasper thing.. took me a year to figure it out- and it had to take a roomie that hated me to get it to my head.} Anyways, what is your opionion about this?


One more thing that i got for myself, Celine Dion's cd. It is her greatest French songs. Outside of "Christian" music, I love listening to Celine Dion. Why? Because there was one song that got me thinking about life. After I was close to killing myself, and after talking to my SS teacher- there was a song on the radio that got to my attention. "Thats the way it is." talking about no matter what your going through- don't stop but keep going.

Here is the first verse the and chorus. "I can read your mind and I know your story and I see what you're going through yeah It's an uphill climb, and I'm feeling sorry But I know it will come to you yeah So don't surrender 'cause you can win In this thing called love When you want it the most there's no easy way out When you're ready to go and your heart's left in doubt Don't give up on your faith Love comes to those who believe it And that's the way it is. When you question me for a simple answerI don't know what to say, no But it's plain to see, if we stick together You're gonna find the way, yeah So don't surrender 'cause you can win In this thing called love Chorus: When you want it the most there's no easy way out When you're ready to go and your heart's left in doubt Don't give up on your faith Love comes to those who believe it And that's the way it is(That's the way it is)"

Anyways, after hearing that song- i was hooked on her other songs {even tho it is mainly about love and what-nots} but there are a few songs of hers that are up-lifting. It is beaty, but she doesn't swear in her songs at all. She doesn't drink, or smoke. She is catholic- but that is better than being Hindu or something. At least she is hearing some of the Gospel...besides, i am sure there are many Catholics who are Born-Again. It really isn't up to us to deside if they are going to Heaven or not, it is between them and God. Anyways, So i have to her greatest hits of french songs {which it pretty hard to get her french cds here in usa-or maybe just for me}. Granted, she married an old guy, other than that- I like her.

But who is my favorite singer of all time? my family would say that it would be Celine Dion. But much to their surprise- it is Christ Galkin. I fell in love with her singing and playing when i first heard the Steve Pettit's team during my 1st year of summer camp at Northland. What a blessing it has been over the years, for surely last year. Last year- i was able to work at the camp, and was able to babysit her kids and another family kids {who i love to death- the mom is the othe rgirl playing the violin} I was able to get to know her a bit more, and she called me by my name. why would that be a shocker? well, i dunnos, it just is {guess it is the being hard on self thing.} But she has a great attitude toward things, has a great smile, and is super on fire for God. She really has been a blessing to me. Last year at school, she came for a visit. I didn't know anything of it until i ran into her in the lobby. She was all in smiles and gave me a huge hug {so did William- her son, age 4}. I do miss summer camp and would love to work there again. I worked in the kitchen and had a blast. I was able to babysit because my roomie's job was to babysit all the time. So i talked her into mentioning me so she can get a small break- or if she is already babysitting one i can go to the other. Boy, these woman with kids were alwyas busy with something. If i wasn't in the kitchen or working with the kids, i would be hanging out with as many teens as i can. I made a few good friends- in which i try to keep in contact, but i am pretty bad at replying back at times {Sorry Mamie- but there is a letter on the way now, i promise!!}.

Okies, so that was my summer before this past summer. This coming summer i will be working. What a blessing it is that i still have the job, and i am getting $1 more than when i started. Praise the Lord. So far, i have been able to save most of it, only spend it on things like food to stay alive, things for others {presents}, a few things for myself, and for Tithes. But this summer i will make it a good one. Why? well because i shall never have a 21st Summer ever again. I can have a 22nd summer or a 121st summer, but never a 21st. Just like i will never have a 1st summer or a 7th summer again. But that is alright. What a blessing it will be when i am able to go back to mbbc and see my friends again. Sam and the lil thing she found. I think we ended up naming it curtis.. i can't remember- we were all silly that day, for surely John- but he is ALWAYS silly- okies, maybe not always, but 95% of the time. I mean, who else will do prank calls and post them on their blog? Noone else but John. But what a great friend he is, and a great boyfriend for Sam {maybe a great hubby for Sam someday.}

Anyways, for those who read this, and read it to this point, Keep on smiling!! The day or night hasn't ended yet. peace out for now!! Oh and Joy! Kaytie tried to re-make my voice thingy on my phone- but can't figure it out.. so ya stuck listening to the same Ol' thing when ya get my voice message.. sorrys.. anyways. loving ya loads and missing you too Joy {my favorite older sister- well, maybe Jayme can be my fav. older sis another day....jk}